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(Trojan, Poetry, Identity, Ambicious, God-mother, Energy) - 2012 NCSSM


spoiledgemini16 1 / 11  
Oct 26, 2012   #1
Hi I am a sophomore that is currently applying to NCSSM. Below are 6 out of 10 questions I have answered. I would greatly appreciate it if I could have feedback on any grammatical mistakes or any suggestions by November 6th. Each question has a 1500 character limit.

2.) Extracurricular, Community Service and Volunteer Activities (both in-school and out-of-school)

Color guard for the Northwest Cabarrus High School Trojan Regiment (9th and 10th grade), cheerleader (basketball season 9th grade and currently), winter guard (9th grade and currently),HOSA club (9th grade and currently), Junior Volunteer at Carolinas Medical Center-NorthEast, volunteer at local blood drives for the American Red Cross, volunteer at Preeclamsia and Breast Cancer walks,and I assist Northwest Cabarrus Middle School with their winter guard.

5.)Other Interests, Talents & Hobbies

Reading poetry, writing poetry, painting, Sudoku, solving any kind of Rubik's cube, any intellectually challenging puzzle, listening to music (mainly country and hip-hop),solving challenging mathematical equations, yoga, photography,dancing (preferably ballet, contemporary, lyrical, and jazz), singing, acting, freelance writing (at times), spinning rifle, spinning flag, sewing, gymnastics, biochemistry, genetics, oncology, neurology, forensics, psychology, helping others in need, watching the sunset, hula hooping, keeping a journal, reading mysterious and romance novels, shopping, collecting jewelry, color guard, winter guard, Northwest Cabarrus High School Trojan Regiment, Lifetime movies, doodling, swimming, social networking, karate, Jerry Spinelli, Stephanie Meyer, Shakespeare, Edgar Allen Poe, and anything that allows me to get outside of my comfort zone so I can unearth something new about myself.

6.) Describe your personality and what makes you unique

Each and every person is unique whether they identify it or not. Personally, I am a contradiction to myself at times, far from perfect, free-spirited, a little random, a social butterfly, caring, and many more things. When I give advice to other people, I sometimes look back and think that I should be the one taking the advice and not just passing it around. Likewise, I am content with being imperfect; my flaws make me who I am today. Harold R. McAlindon once said, "Do not follow where the path may lead. Do instead where there is not path and leave a trail." People who spend their whole life trying to be perfect never experience the thrill of life itself. Once I heard the song "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield, it kept playing in my head as if it was a broken record. This song helped uncover my free-spirited personality that I kept within myself. At times I bring up funny moments from the past or new "theories" that pop up in my head. Most of the people that know me will say that I find friends anywhere I go. I have always been a social person and get along with 97% of the people that cross my path in life. I cannot stand the thought of someone suffer whether it is mentally or physically, so I try to help as best I can. There are more things about me that make me who I am but this is just a brief synopsis.

7.) What words best describe your character. Give specific examples of why each word is applicable.

Many words describe me including:
Ambitious: Ever since I was a little girl, I have always had big dreams that I want to make a reality one day. I am constantly planning what I can do to make sure I achieve my dreams. I have classes chosen for my junior and senior if I am not accepted into NCSSM. Also, I have a list of 17 colleges that interest me and created a chart to determine which college will benefit me the most. Striving for the best also comes with some responsibility. Though I plan most of the time, I still have to set aside time for homework, chores, and things that are happening in the present.

Adaptable/Independent: Through the years, I have been the "new kid" quite a few times. I attended 3 grade schools, 2 middle schools, and hopefully 2 high schools. It was effortless for me to learn my new schedule and associate myself with new people. I have also learned that my mother is not going to be there for every little thing I need. I have learned to advocate for myself and to go after the things I want without the full assistance of my mother.

Analytical/Opinionated: When it comes to issues, I find that at times I analyze things more than they should be. I dig deep to find what is needed to prove a fact or idea. Also, when I feel very strongly about a subject, I go to great ends trying to prove why my opinion is best. That is not always the case though; I realize when my opinion is not the only opinion and I have to look at another perspective.

8.) Have you had any adversity in your life that you want to explain?
When I was in fifth grade, my mother and God-mother informed me that my father was diagnosed with non-melanoma skin cancer. I remember crying all night long; I was so sad that I slept in the room with my mom for about a week. The distressing news did not only affect me at home, it also affected me at school. In school started to not care what I did or did not complete. All I wanted was for my father to be okay again. The last time I had seen him was one morning in the third grade when he had come down from New York. After finding out about his illness, my aunt said that she was going to take a trip up there to see him and I could go along. While we were at the hospital in NY, the doctors told me I could not go back into the ward my father was in; there were too many communicable diseases back there. Upon returning home, my mother told me that we would go back to try again soon. Soon was not soon enough though. On October 26, 2007, I was informed that my father had passed away. I did not fully understand what was going on then, but after about a year I always said to myself "I could have tried to convince the doctors to let me see him. What if I would have told them I was his only child? Would that have changed their minds? What if I offered to be covered in scrubs from head to toe?" These questions haunt me almost every day. Recently I have learned that everything happens for a reason and as much as you would like to change the past, there is no changing it.

10.) How will you contribute outside of the classroom to the NCSSM community?

I can contribute energy, excitement, a little touch of glitter, and some pink! I am the kind of person who does not like those "awkward silences." I am just fickle when it comes to loud and exciting places-not too loud though. If I am in a room that is dull and makes everybody want to fall asleep, I am the one that will increase the energy. I would also love to do some decorating. For instance, during the holidays I might put up a few decorations here and there hoping to influence others to do the same. Over the years I have done quite a bit of travelling. So, I will also bring the joy and factual information I have learned to the people I meet throughout the two years I am at NCSSM. Usually, I am an ecstatic and outgoing person so I absolutely love talking to people and meeting new friends. That is one of the things people have to do if they are accepted into NCSSM's residential program. Not only are we learning to accept the greater challenge, we are learning to adapt to new people and places. We are learning to get out of our own comfort zone and try something new that we might not have been able to experience if it was not for NCSSM.
ruprecht10 1 / 5  
Oct 26, 2012   #2
It looks really good! I'm not too good with spotting spelling mistakes and stuff, but the information is great. Good luck getting in and thanks for reviewing mine.
OP spoiledgemini16 1 / 11  
Oct 27, 2012   #3
Thank you! Good luck to you too! I believe I know you but you probably do not remember me. We went to the same middle school until I moved in seventh grade.
gotmilk121 1 / 1  
Oct 27, 2012   #4
I think that only adding the activities that are of true importance to you will make it seem as though you're not doing all of the activities just to have them for college apps and what not.

Also being very confident in the person that you are (showing growth) furthers the readers interest.

Overall really great!
yeongjia 1 / 5 1  
Oct 28, 2012   #5
I'm not sure if this is right, but i think it'd be much better if you use more of the commas or "and".

Like for example on question 8 you said "In school started to not care what I did or did not complete."

I'd personally put it as "In school, I start to not care what i did or did not complete." instead

I know its not a lot of change but this is THAT edge that pushes you from a 98% to a 100% mark.

Its not wrong, its actually really really good but i think it looks better. (But that is just my opinion).

I'd rate this 10/10 honestly.

Oh and also, you missed out on number 9.
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Oct 28, 2012   #6
I have always been a socialsociable person

You stated several issues to explain your character, but there is no support for each one. You can add some of your personal experiences to show who you are and make each point of your personality more apparent.

There are more things about me that make me who I am but this is just a brief synopsis.

I think this is not a good clincher. You can reword what you mentioned throughout the paragraph. For example :"shortly, I find myself as a xx, xx, and xx person.

Ambitious: Ever since I was a little girl, I have always had big dreams that I want to make a reality one day

what are these dreams? I think it would be better to mention some of them to show how ambitious you are.

I attended 3 grade schools, 2 middle schools, and hopefully 2 high schools

write the numbers under 10 in words.

I was so sad that I was sleepingslept in the room with my mom for about a week. The distressing news did not only affect me at home, it also affectedinfluenced (use synonym) me at school.

All I wanted was for my father to be okay againregain his health

I absolutely love talking tointeracting/communicating with people

That is one of the things people have toshould do if they are accepted into NCSSM's residential program.

Hope this helps
Kind regards
Ahmad
joiedelire 2 / 4  
Oct 29, 2012   #8
"Each and every person is unique whether they identify it or not." --consider taking out Each or ever because they essentially mean the same thing.

"Personally, I am a contradiction to myself at times, far from perfect, " --This is just a suggestion, but consider revising the sentence to maybe something along the lines of "At time, I am a contradiction." Then start the next sentence saying you are far from perfect, free-spirited, etc.

Overall, this is really good.
Hope that helped a little!
ruprecht10 1 / 5  
Nov 7, 2012   #9
Thanks and I remember you vaguely Jenyane.
ruprecht10 1 / 5  
Nov 7, 2012   #10
Hi I am a sophomore that is currently applying to NCSSM. Below are 6 out of 10 questions I have answered. I would greatly appreciate it if I could have feedback on any grammatical mistakes or any suggestions by November 6th. Each question has a 1500 character limit.

Hey can you check out my updated essays? I would really appreciate it. Thanks!


Home / Undergraduate / (Trojan, Poetry, Identity, Ambicious, God-mother, Energy) - 2012 NCSSM
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