Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 5


A troubled teenager; Person who had an impact on my life


Lmcv05 1 / 3  
Mar 2, 2013   #1
Topic A: Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made and impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.

Please read and make any suggestions to improve it. I would like some help with my conclusion, I'm having a hard time summing up my essay. Thank you for your time!

She was a child of divorced parents, she was a troubled teenager. Then she became a teenage mother. I'm not talking about a fictional character; I'm talking about a woman who has showed me that with hard work and determination, any obstacles or hardships we face can be overcome. She's shaped me into the person that I am today and has made me proud of who I am. I'm talking about my mother.

My mom struggled as a teen parent, she and my dad dropped out of high school in order to work, and be able to provide a home for us. We moved around a lot when I was younger and when my brother was born two years later, they struggled even more. However, these obstacles didn't deter my mom from being a great parent. Her ambition and drive to provide for her family kept my brother and me from ever feeling like we were less fortunate than other kids. We never wanted for anything and the fact that we had teen parents didn't matter. My childhood was a happy one, and I owe that to my mom's dedication to her family.

My mom was always a strict parent; she sheltered me, monitored what I watched on television, and made sure I made friends with the right people. Up until a few years ago, I hated it. Now, I couldn't be more grateful that she did it. I was never influenced by people on TV or movies, and my friends are all people I can be proud to say I know. She sheltered me until she knew that I was smart enough not to be influenced by other kids and I'd like to think I have a good head on my shoulders because of it. She's also the reason I've done well in school, she's pushed me to work hard in school and get the education that she didn't have the chance to get. She's always told me that not going to college isn't an option. She wants her kids to succeed in life and have the opportunities that she didn't have. I have the option to go to college because of what she sacrificed in order to raise us.

I'm now seventeen years old and I'm about to graduate high school. I've succeeded in achieving my goals and I'm proud to say that it's because of the way my mom has raised me and the values she has taught me.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Mar 2, 2013   #2
I'm talking about a woman who has showed me that with hard work and determination, any obstacles or hardships we face can be overcome.

I'm talking about a woman who proved that hard work and determination can win any obstacle or hardship in life. -------------------- though you dont specifically say that she showed you this, it is implied.

She's shaped me into the person that I am today and has made me proud of who I am. I'm talking about my mother.

This person is no other, but my beloved mom who shaped my character into be the one I'm today.

My mom struggled as a teen parent, she and my dad dropped out of high school in order to work, and be able to provide a home for us.

This sentence is not very clear... the dad's part is not clear and who provided you with a home?

We moved around a lot when I was younger young and when my brother was born two years later, they struggled even more. However, these obstacles didn't deter my mom from being a great parent. Her ambition and drive to provide for her family kept my brother and me from ever feeling like we were less fortunate than other kids.

We never wanted for anything and the fact that we had teen parents didn't matter.

... this is not clear too....better rephrase!
Didgeridoo - / 306 191  
Mar 2, 2013   #3
I like your story, but I feel like you're kind of scraping at the surface of this prompt. Most parents impact their children and teach them things, work hard to provide for them, etc. Could you recall a specific instance where your mother helped you with something or made you rethink something, or changed your perspective on something in a way that shaped who you are today?
OP Lmcv05 1 / 3  
Apr 5, 2013   #4
I have a question. When I submit the essay will it be checked for plagiarism? I didn't plagiarize but I'm worried about having it on this sight...will it say I plagiarized?
Didgeridoo - / 306 191  
Apr 7, 2013   #5
I don't think your essay will be checked unless some red flags pop up. If your story matches your life and your level and style of writing seems normal for your age, then I doubt that people will think you plagiarized it. Especially if your author name is your real name.


Home / Undergraduate / A troubled teenager; Person who had an impact on my life
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳