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"What if this truck ran me over?" - UC Personal Statement about Overcoming Depression


sarahann98 1 / -  
Nov 30, 2015   #1
The application is due tonight by midnight and I would love it if anyone could give me some advice on my personal statement before I submit it. I am thankful for any and all input! The prompt is:

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

One of the small but significant moments of my life occurred a few months ago at a Circle K. I was standing by the pump, putting gas into my car, when a big truck drove by me going faster than it should have been. I had a thought, not unlike thoughts I had had in the past: "What if this truck ran me over?" and I realized, consciously for the first time and without a doubt in my mind, that was not something I wanted to happen. I wanted to live.

I have struggled with depression and anxiety for the majority of my teenage years. Because of the stigma surrounding mental illness, I suffered alone for a long time. By the beginning of my sophomore year of high school, it was so bad that I could not always make it through the school day without crying. I would stay home from school some days because I could not bring myself to go. I wasn't sure if I wanted to be alive. It took me four months to work up the courage to ask for help, and it took a therapist and almost two years for me to overcome my mental illness, but I did it.

This is one of my greatest accomplishments: overcoming my depression and persevering despite it. Recovery was not always easy or pretty, but it was always worth it. I am in a much better place than I once was, and I have learned so much. I used to believe that I and my depression and anxiety were intrinsically linked, that it was just a part of who I am. I now know that is not true. I have learned to recognize that when I have bad thoughts, they are my depression talking, not me, and I work through them in a healthful manner. I no longer suffer needlessly. I have realized that while some stress is beneficial, becoming stressed and anxious about little things is simply creating unnecessary issues in my life. I have learned that I am much stronger than I thought I was and am capable of persevering even at times when I have felt like giving up. Even in the worst of my struggles, I was able to do well academically and achieve my goals, and in recovery, I continue to do so. It took a lot of willpower, it was the hardest thing I have ever done, but I never gave up.
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Nov 30, 2015   #2
- I have struggled with depression and anxiety for the majority of my teenage years. Because of, with the stigma
- ByIn the beginning of my sophomore

- it was the hardestmost challenging thing I have ever done, butand I will I never gavegive ( the verb takes the present continuous form as the action is a continuos process) up.

Sarah, as you can see I took the liberty of modifying your essay, it enhanced the strength of your essay to another level,
you actually have a good essay overall, you just need to learn how to incorporate stronger words to use in order to create
that impact in your essay.

I hope to see the revision posted here on EF so we can assist you further.


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