Although it may appear to the contrary, we do know that people have a life beyond what they do to get into college. Tell us about an experience you've had outside of your formal classroom and extracurricular activities that was just plain fun and why.
I'm not sure if I took the right approach on this one; I kind of recycled a different essay and added a few things. Tell me what you think.
I have lived in San Luis Obispo, California since I was five years old. I was lucky to grow up in a safe community where I could spend entire afternoons wreaking havoc on rollerblades or cruising around on bikes with the other neighborhood kids. I learned to be independent and to take advantage of the environment that I lived in. Every part of living on the Central Coast was an opportunity and an adventure for me and as I grew up, more and more opened up for me. I spent my weekends embarking on outdoor excursions with friends-camping, hiking, exploring the area-and I became a true lover of nature.
Throughout high school I tried to take advantage of everything that my hometown offered me. I ran cross-country and track, I played soccer, I played tennis, and I swam. I snowboarded in the winter and surfed with friends during the rest of the year, and I had a summer job working at a local beach for a Junior Lifeguards program. I love being outdoors, so that's what I dedicated a lot of my time to. This year I spent almost three weeks of my summer sleeping in a sleeping bag. For a week it was in a tent with my best friend in Big Sur, California. We spent our days hiking, biking, and floating down the river and our evenings eating canned beans and hot dogs cooked over the fire. Another week was on an air mattress under the stars when I went with my family and two other families that I've grown up with on our traditional yearly camping trip. For a few days it was on the patio of my aunt's beach house, where every once in a while a big wave would crash up against the deck and wake me up with a spray of sea water to the face. She wanted me to teach my cousins how to surf and I was more than happy to sacrifice a little sleep to teach them something that I wish I could have learned at such a young age.
If growing up in San Luis Obispo has taught me anything, it's that the little things in life are the ones that really count. I spent my time outdoors because it was something I enjoyed doing; it provided me with fun things to do year-round, but these fun activities also taught me a lot about myself. Being exposed to so much natural beauty and living this so called "SLO life" has given me different priorities than many. I know that the things I enjoy most-going to the beach, standing on the top of a mountain, going on a run through the vineyards, and spending time with the people who are important to me-come for free. Knowing this gives me the confidence to take a chance and pursue a career in something I am passionate about. I've always been really interested in English, I love music, and I'd do anything to have a job that would allow me to work outdoors, but I've heard time and time again that it's difficult to maintain or even find a stable career in those fields. But I've grown up following my heart, and doing the things I love, and I don't plan on stopping now. Even if things start out slow, I will be doing something that makes me happy. I will always be able to give back to the community that has played such a big part in shaping me into the person I am today, and I've realized that in the end my community is what's really important to me.
Your essay is very well-done. I do not see any grammar problems, and not much needs to be changed. You have a solid topic, and your experiences have defined who you are as a person. The college wants a glimpse into your life, and you have given them exactly that. The things you have done made you into a well-rounded, easy-going individual. I think this sentence needs to be re-worded:
I will always be able to give back to the community that has played such a big part in shaping me into the person I am today, and I've realized that in the end my community is what's really important to me.
Otherwise, you have an excellent essay. Nice job!
Grammar wise, I couldn't find any problems. There are parts that you can tighten your diction though
Throughout high school, I tried to take advantage of everything that my hometown offered me.
I snowboarded in the winter and surfed with friends during the rest of the year, and I had a summer job working at a local beach for a Junior Lifeguards program.
She wanted me to teach my cousins how to surf and I was more than happy tosacrifice a little sleep to teach them something that I wish I could have learned at such a young age.
Seems like unnecessary details that didnt really contribute to the overall theme.
Overall it's a nice essay, but I don't think it fully answers the prompt. I would focus on a specific experience and go more in depth rather than talk about your surroundings and the many different experiences that you had.
