The only true option is to push forward, to persevere - common app essay

Hi! Below is my essay for my Common Application. Any feedback, constructive criticism, or suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

Prompt: The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

Essay:

best path in spite of adversity

As I started on my final lap around the track, I noticed that everyone else had already finished. But yet, there I was. Out of breath, sweating profusely, and with still another lap to go. It was my first day of high school soccer tryouts, and, just my luck, the coach decided to test the prospective players' endurance through a mile on the track. Defeated, I staggered to the finish, and kept my eyes to the ground as I walked back to rejoin the rest of the group.

Before tryouts, I had assumed making the team would be not be a problem. I figured that my eight years of prior recreational-level soccer experience would put me at an advantage over the other kids who tried out. Come tryout day, my eyes were instantly opened as to how athletic and talented the other players were, and even more so to how out of place I was.

I had managed to fight my way through tryouts up to the timed mile, struggling through the footwork drills and barely holding my own in the scrimmage. However, the moment I stepped foot on that track, I realized how desperately I was unprepared.

Humiliated, I left the field at the end of the day disheartened, promising myself that I would never return to tryouts. With my confidence crushed, I tried to face the reality of not making the team. I was home-schooled up until eighth grade, when I was forced to move to a public school. The transition was far from gentle, and the few acquaintances I had made in my new school were all sure-shots for the high school soccer team. I was terrified at the idea of not being a part of the team with my friends, and ultimately, not fitting in somewhere in high school. I was sure that my failure to make the team would result in my being left behind.

My failure to make the soccer team carried over to my ninth-grade year. I had limited contact with the friends I knew before, who had all made the soccer team. I participated less in class, rarely asking questions. The familiarity of my old friends was gone, and being previously home-schooled, I lacked the social skills to quickly make new ones. My freshmen year came and went, with no outstanding experiences to speak of. With my high school career flying by, I knew I had to make a change.

At the beginning of the next school year, I boldly forced myself to branch outside of my comfort zone. I joined the Cross-Country team- and was the slowest runner by a two-minute stretch. I talked to new people, many of who ignored me. I began to participate in class more, despite sometimes giving useless information. Instead of becoming frustrated with the minor setbacks in my progress, I celebrated even the smallest successes.

Nearing the close of my high-school years, I stand in the top five percent of my class, as a varsity athlete, and with dependable friends whom I can count upon. I have learned so much more from my failure than I could have ever learned from success. When you dwell in your mistakes, you waste time, accomplish nothing, and most of all, begin to put limitations on yourself. Through my failure, I learned that, when life doesn't go the way you hoped it would, the only true option is to push forward, to persevere. Often, the things we perceive as roadblocks may actually lead us down the best path.

@jfawls28
Overall I would say you have a strong essay. Only thing I felt was that some of the paragraphs could be combined together.

Hi Justin, this is a very well developed essay. It has a timeline that allows the reviewer to get to know you better and understand the kind of thinking that you go through when you are faced with failure. It is a slow realization and understanding of your personality that you develop because you take the time to analyze the setback and its effect on you. The problem, is that the prompt that you chose to respond to requires an immediate realization for an immediate setback or failure. In your case, the realization happened over the course of a year. So this is not the correct prompt to use for the essay that you developed. Based upon the story that you told, it is my opinion that the following prompt would be better suited for the material:

Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.

In line with the discussion of this prompt, a review of your essay will show that you actually have an experience regarding an "event" that "sparked" a "realization" that led to "personal growth" along with a "new" understanding of yourself. All of which led, over time to the changes that that occurred in your as a person, an athlete, and a student. All of which took place over an extended period of time and therefore, is best applied to this prompt because of the implication of a "period of personal growth". I hope you consider my suggestion.