True Spirit of Maples~ any advice is welcomed,thanks

True Spirit of Maples

In my childhood, I lived at the foot of Qixia Mountain, which is famous for its sea of maples. As a kid who was fond of exploring nature and often lost herself in the imaginative world, I was extremely fascinated by these red leaves and believed that they had a unique character that I could not tell.

When I grew up, however, I left the Qixia Mountain and inevitably said goodbye to my secret friends. At that time, I became interested in piano and entered a piano class. Unfortunately, my hands were too small to play on the black-and-white claviers as deftly as other students. One day, after an ineffective two-hour practice, I lost every faith in myself and just wanted to give up the piano. Observing of my action, my father brought me back to the Qixia Mountain.

"MENG", my dad said peacefully, "Do you know when the maple leaves turn red?"

"In autumn" I replied with no difficulty, "when it is a bit cold for many other plants."

"Correct. The maples may suffer from piercing blast and torrential rain in this season, yet they still persist in their growth and try to live up to their best performance."

My dad stopped and I stared at the leaves wavering in the wind. I saw the clear grains and lines on them, which reminded me of the trials they had experienced and the perseverance inside their palm-like bodies. "I was born in October, in autumn, too." I mumbled to myself, "I should be brave towards the hurdles in my life like the maples!"

Regaining energy and replenishing hope, I followed the instructions of my teacher to do extra practice which may help increase the dexterity of my fingers every day. One year later, when the first lady of Ecuador came to my piano study centre, I performed for her on behalf of all the students. Seeing the smiles of my teacher and the honorable guest, I thought I had fully understood the spirit of maples--silent persistence in difficulties.

The time flies fast. Soon, I became a student in senior high 2 who would encounter the pre- National College Entrance Examination, which means a lot to my final study report. When every student was busy dealing with endless exercises in the last month of preparation, I was informed that XXX Model United Nations 2009 would recruit assistant directors in the following one month. I considered it as a valuable chance for me, who enjoyed the collision of various ideas and the sparks among people of different backgrounds; however, it did come at an improper time--if not the worst. My teacher clearly demonstrated objection to my crazy idea of applying, "The time is limited, and it seems impossible to work on the exam and the application, including 2 personal essays and a detailed design for a new model UN committee, at the same time. You simply don't know how challenging the work will be!"

My teacher tried to dissuade me and I did hesitate. However, the maples on Qixia Mountain somehow occurred to me, and I suddenly realized that the maples are not forced to withstand the unfavorable circumstance, on the contrary, they choose to do so from their own will-they just appreciate the gorgeous scenery in autumn that few plants can or want to experience. In other words, their persistence is the result of their love for the season and so they definitely enjoy the "adversities" in others' perceptions.

"I was born in October, in autumn, too." I said to myself again. I knew I had made the decision.

Thereafter, I started to collect information by communicating with my friends around the world and write the application essays. Meanwhile, I successfully persuaded my teachers to allow me ignoring part of the homework in order to make a personal study plan. Though the following 3 weeks were really a tough period, I did enjoy the busy life.

One month later, the results came out-I got A in all 4 subjects and officially became a dais member of XXX Model UN Conference. Looking at the ultimate outcome, I seemed to saw the maples on the mountain which were, I reckoned, smiling to me.

Strange but true, those ordinary things are more likely to become the source of our thinking and strength. I spent more than 10 years to understand the true spirit of maples: the courage of choosing the challenging life and enjoying the trying process for the love of dreams, rather than passive endurance.

Anybody's here? Please give me some suggestions~~ Thanks a loooot^^

I like the essay. The maple metaphor is really strong and original. You have a few minor grammatical errors you should revise for, though.

"I spent more than 10 years learning to understand the true spirit of maples"

"I should bravely face the hurdles in my life like the maples do !"

"I considered it as a valuable chance for meto enjoyed the collision of various ideas and to learn from people of different backgrounds"

Also:


What was improper about it? Or do you just mean that you didn't have much time in which to prepare? They aren't the same thing.


Actually, no. The maples, like most trees, are stationary. They are forced to cope with whatever weather comes along. It's a good metaphor for most of the essay, but this part needs tweaking.

Thank you very much for your comments. =)
I tried to use the words "the maples are not forced to withstand the unfavorable circumstance, on the contrary, they choose to do so from their own will" as a kind of personification, what I means is that it is maples that choose the way of thriving in autumn, rather than summer or spring.

Do you think it's too farfetched or hard to understand? Maybe I need to revise this part.

I'll correct the grammatical errors and the "improper" expression, thank you for the kind reply ^^

I see what you were trying to do. My point was that it doesn't work. Trees are in fact forced to withstand unfavorable circumstances. You could have pointed out that the maple is at its most beautiful when struggling with adversity, or some such, but what you have at the moment does need a bit of revision.

Well, I got it .What about this:
My teacher tried to dissuade me and I did hesitate. However, the maples on Qixia Mountain somehow occurred to me, and I suddenly realized that the maples not only survive the unfavorable circumstance, but also enjoyed the "plight" in others' perceptions. Their thriving red leaves actually demonstrated their appreciation of the gorgeous scenery in autumn that few plants can or want to experience.Therefore, the maples are at their most beautiful when struggling with adversities.

the maples not only survived but thrived in unfavorable circumstances, but also enjoyed the "plight" in others' perceptions. Their thriving red leaves actually demonstrated their resilience in the face of autumn's coldthat few plants can or want to experience.Therefore, theM aples are at their most beautiful when struggling with adversity .

I originally wanted to show a development of my thoughts-from enduring passively to choosing the challenges. If I revised the final part, the two main stories actually show the same idea, do you think it's better?

Appreciate your help =)

Yes, hitting the same point, or theme, as it were, is perfectly fine. The point about choosing your experiences is also a good one to make, but it doesn't fit in well with your chosen metaphor.

Ok, I will follow your advice ^^ thanks a loooooooot