Hey everyone! I am applying to transfer to another college and just need some last minute feedback on my essay for the application. The prompt is quite simple and I like the direction my essay is in, but my main fear is something sounds off or my conventions need some help. Thanks again in advance for the help!
Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development.
It is truly a breathtaking moment when one becomes aware of his or her passion. For some it happens in a matter of seconds as they are captivated by what they have been subjected to. Others, like myself, realize that their passion has always surrounded them but just needed time to fully reveal itself. My love for design, architecture, and engineering began it's revelation through a series of numerous school projects. In high school, I was presented with the challenge of constructing a bridge made entirely out of toothpicks that could withhold a maximum weight of ten pounds. The next month with my group members consisted of various design drawings, crucial precise measuring, and a plethora of trial and error experimentation. Our end result was successful, but the true joy came from the principles of teamwork, planning, and critical thinking acquired that day.
Throughout high school, I obtained and applied a significant amount of academic lessons. However, it was my first year engineering course in college that truly tested my intellectual capabilities. My objective was to produce fifteen volts with a self-sustaining form of wind, water, or solar energy made with the materials provided. It was a one person project and the pressure to demonstrate my intelligence was distinctly apparent. I spent the last half of the semester researching, observing wind, water, and solar behaviors, and perfecting my final design. The outcome of my project produced seventeen volts with the use of the solar panels I assembled. Ultimately, the importance of self-determination, accountability, and patience taken will be forever ingrained in my journey to become an elite civil engineer.
These experiences have instilled within me the idea to consistently push my limits and strengthen my knowledge and enthusiasm for what I love. I believe our dreams and passions are what make us unique individuals, and having others there to encourage and assist us is truly a blessing.
Others, like myself, realize that their passion has always surrounded them but just needed time to fully reveal itself.
Others like my self, feel that their passion has been somewhere around them, but just needed time to realize exactly what it was.My love for design, architecture, and engineering began it's revelation through a series of numerous school projects. I
... I think you need to strengthen the link between the previous line and this;
For me, it is those numerous school projects that I was involved that reveled my real passion; Design, architecture and engineering.