Using a favorite quotation from an essay or book you have read in the last three years as a starting point, tell us about an event or experience that helped you define one of your values or changed how you approach the world. Please write the quotation at the beginning of your essay.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight" (Proverbs 3:5-6, Bible).
Night has never felt so long or so dark. Closing the blinds, I turn away from the night, even as the moon peers in with her gentle rays. Opening the large suitcase before me, I place the last remaining jeans.
A silent scream of despair and helplessness echoes in my head as I begin packing my younger brothers' clothes. For the first time, I am trapped. I cannot weasel my through this and persuade my guardian, Eunice, to retract her threat of sending my four siblings and me to the orphanage in this dead of the night.
"You devil children!" I wince as I hear Eunice's voice in the kitchen. Every time she verbally abuses us, it hurts me and lowers my self-esteem for Eunice has been my guardian for two years and, as a twelve year old without a mother, I wanted to think of her as a mother figure.
In my lassitude, I kowtow before the intangible God and fervently cry out to him. "God, you said, "Ask and it will be given," so please help us! I don't want to go to the orphanage. Please..." With my hands pressed together, I continue to pray until exhaustion takes over me, and I wait silently. I try to be patient and trust in God while my heart beats at an incredible pace and my teeth chatters.
About an hour later, Eunice tells us to write a letter of apology to her for our troubles. After we hand in our apologies, she tells us to go to bed as she begins reading them. The storm has finally cleared, and I fall asleep while I say my prayer of thanks.
Through my experiences, I now see the world as it is: unrighteous. The injustice of the world, that the good and the innocent should suffer, has become more and more apparent to me. Yet, I learned to trust in God for although the secular world will always be iniquitous and unjust, but it cannot defeat me as God is my succor and protector.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight" (Proverbs 3:5-6, Bible).
Night has never felt so long or so dark. Closing the blinds, I turn away from the night, even as the moon peers in with her gentle rays. Opening the large suitcase before me, I place the last remaining folded sweaters and shirts. Likewise, I also pack away the puzzle pieces of my life and my emotions and lock them deep within my heart.
A silent scream of despair and helplessness echoes in my head as I begin packing my younger brothers' clothes. For the first time, I am trapped. I cannot weasel my through this and persuade my guardian, Eunice, to retract her threat of sending my four siblings and me to the orphanage in this dead of the night. With the realization that I am unable to protect my family, I curse myself silently. 'And you call yourself the older sister,' I think contemptuously to myself.
"You devil children!" I wince as I hear Eunice's voice in the kitchen. Every time she verbally abuses us, it hurts me and lowers my self-esteem for Eunice has been my guardian for two years and, as a twelve year old without a mother, I wanted to think of her as a mother figure.
In my lassitude, I kowtow before the intangible God and fervently cry out to him. "God, you said, "Ask and it will be given," so please help us! I don't want to go to the orphanage. Please..." With my hands pressed together, I continue to pray until exhaustion takes over me, and I wait silently. I try to be patient and trust in God while my heart beats at an incredible pace and my teeth chatters.
About an hour later, Eunice tells us to write a letter of apology to her for our troubles. After we hand in our apologies, she tells us to go to bed as she begins reading them. The storm has finally cleared, and I fall asleep while I say my prayer of thanks.
Through my experiences, I now see the world as it is: unrighteous. The injustice of the world, that the good and the innocent should suffer, has become more and more apparent to me. Yet, I learned to trust in God for although the secular world will always be iniquitous and unjust, but it cannot defeat me as God is my succor and protector.
Very eloquent writing! I had a OMG type look on my face through the entire body portion. It's very deep.
In my opinion, I think you should lighten up a little bit on the adverbs about God. It sounds like some of the readings my priest does in church.
I would also add a little bit more of hope in your essay. You make it sound like you have no hope. I think admissions would like to see you illustrate the character qualities that come with hope in the world not only god. Not everyone is as christian as you are and it might scare them away. So I advise you add in some more secular signs of hope.
For instance:
I'd end the essay with something like:
"Through Him I begin to see a hopeful future for humanity and my future. He motivates me to always strive for the best."
Just a quick thing I came up with.
But over all I like your essay.
And thanks for reviewing mine.
weasel my way through
This essay is really really really strong, but is there any way you can turn this into a positive? Unless you really don't want to. But reading the prompt again, you answered the question very fully.
GREAT job.
