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'truth, civility and righteousness' - Lehigh supplement equity and community


jaspreet1992 2 / 3  
Dec 30, 2009   #1
In our ever-changing society, people have defined 'equity' and 'community' in many different ways. How do you define these terms and what are the implications of equity and community for our 21st century society?

Equity brings the truth, civility and righteous to a tightly knit community, a group of people that interact with each other in a common area and who have common interests and goals. Without the equity, the community is loosely scattered thus developing contrasting ideas, which in return leads to the downfall of the community. Similarly communities are not as strong as they have been in the past. Hunters and gatherers work together in every aspect of life, such as hunting, house chores, caring of elders and children. They face failures and success together and no matter how hard the task, they are a joint community of people who stand next to each other through tough times. But at the end of the day, they share a great amount of equity with each other which in return makes them a tightly knit community. But as mankind has evolved into the 21st century, it is our human nature to be greedy and selfish, and we try to get ahead of everyone by leaving the community behind. If accepted into the Lehigh community, I will not only stay loyal to this community but try my best to bring more equity to this tightly knit community.

Can u please give me feedback and check my essay for errors. this is a rough draft...thank you
rchase520 2 / 4  
Dec 30, 2009   #2
"Equity brings the truth, civility and righteous to a tightly knit community"

Just change righteous to "righteousness."

"Similarly, communities are not as strong as they have been in the past."

"Hunters and gatherers work together in every aspect of life, such as hunting, house chores, caring of elders and children. They face failures and success together and no matter how hard the task, they are a joint community of people who stand next to each other through tough times. But at the end of the day, they share a great amount of equity with each other which in return makes them a tightly knit community."

Because you're talking about the past, you need to change the tense from present to past in these few sentences.

"But as mankind has evolved into the 21st century, it is our human nature to be greedy and selfish, and we try to get ahead of everyone by leaving the community behind."

I would change it to : "Unfortunately , as mankind has marched into the 21st century, human nature has changed from selflessness to selfishness , as we try to gain the competitive edge by leaving the community behind."

Other than those few things, I like your essay! please take a few minutes to read over and edit mine.Good luck!
lizrose92 2 / 5  
Dec 30, 2009   #3
I think it's good and don't really have any changes to it, except I would take out "But" in the beginning of "But at the end of the day," since you're not really contrasting anything.

Also, maybe talk more about community and equity today than you do about it in the past, since that's what the prompt asks.
tsungyuwu 3 / 12  
Dec 31, 2009   #4
Hi :) I wrote this essay, too. I think this is the hardest one from all the essays I wrote. I like your essay a lot! I think you did a good job. I dont know how long the essay suppose to be but mine is short. :( I like your example, maybe you can talk more about the example of hunters and gatherer.


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