What attribute of your personality are you most proud of, and how has it impacted your life so far? This could be your creativity, effective leadership, sense of humor, integrity, or anything else you'd like to tell us about. (200-250 words)
Long before Mean Girls immortalized the saying, my grandmother would always remind me that "the limit does not exist!" Ever since I was little, I've enjoyed challenging myself to step out of my comfort zone and attempt things that a prudent person would normally avoid. My mom blames it on my curiosity, and I couldn't agree more. I especially remember this tattered but intimidating 3 by 4 inch book that my dad had. Every once in a while, he would give me a problem out of it and simply told me to experiment with it. I remember toiling for hours and hours on the Seven Bridges of Konigsberg problem, and trial and error convinced me that there was no solution. My dad refused to tell me whether I was right or wrong but simply asked me for a explanation. Any sane person would have given up, but I was too curious to admit defeat. I remember listing all the math formulas and concepts I had learned since first grade, but my five years of elementary-school math unfortunately didn't rise to the occasion that day. In the end, I still couldn't figure out the solution by myself, but I gave my best effort. Over the years, my curiosity has probably deprived me of quite a few hours of sleep, but it also motivates me and excites me. I cannot wait for the puzzles and adventures it will lead me to at MIT. (242 words)
It kinda changes topic a little ...from the Mean Girls, to Sherlock Holmes, to food. I'm not really sure what attribute you are talking about, I would just choose one thing and talk all about it. Plus talk a little more on how it has impacted your life, not just describing it.
I see that you are most proud of your adventurous spirit, but agree with Patricia as to elaborating on how this spirit has impacted your life. A couple more examples may be beneficial.
Additionally, an explanation on the seven bridges problem would be helpful in fleshing out the idea you are presenting there.
I think you are on a winner with the curiosity factor. Give it some more depth :)
patricia and kgb, thank you for pointing that out! i think i realized that subconsciously but i kind of just ignored the problem. how would i be able to better focus it though? are there any specific ideas/phrases that should be removed?
and by the way, is it okay to refer to mean girls? i know people often say not to reference popular culture.
one more thing, please note that there is a 250 word limit. it's at/very close to the max right now, so for me to add more things, i need to remove them first. any advice would be greatly appreciated :)
Yeah, I am afraid I got lost on the mean girls reference - just assumed that it was from pop culture.
You could slash a lot there by just starting with your grandma's statement and then move straight into your response to that statement.
Although I certainly enjoy reading Sherlock Holmes on a rainy afternoon, I also love experimenting with new things. ---- see if you like it with the word "favorite... like this
I certainly enjoy my favorite pleasure is reading Sherlock Holmes on a rainy afternoon, I also love experimenting with new things.
It justifies the use of "although"
Okay, also, I figured out that I think it is too simplistic and cliche to say I love doing new things, learning new things. Can you find a clever way to express the same idea... or a slightly different idea? You can still keep it about the same thing, but change the phrases learn new things and try new things... Your challenge is to find a way to express that using an interesting, memorable phrase that the reader will love.
I revamped the essay A LOT. I decided to take out the entire first paragraph and just focus on the second part. Can someone please reread and offer suggestions? I'm a little worried the new draft may seem boring. It focuses on one specific instance about a math problem... It's a little under the 250 limit right now.
i just reread my second response again and a concern i have is that it doesnt address "personality trait" part of the question enough. i address it basically in the last 2-3 sentences, but is it enough? can someone please offer any suggestions or advice? thanks again!
No, you need to fix it a little. All you need to do is mention the words trait and curiosity in the first sentence or two.
Or you can divide this into 2 paragraphs and mention those 2 key words at the end of the first paragraph.
I also think you should choose the weakest sentence in the essay and kill it. No mercy. Cut out the sentence that is least important. :-)