Personal Statement for admission into Computer Science
From a very young age, I cultivated a mindset that seeks to understand phenomena, not at face value, but the why's behind them. When I reflect on my life, it only stands to reason that is why I became intensely captivated and curious about the way computers "think" and do things as if they have a mind of their own. From the time I watched my brother use an old Pentium 3 computer, these questions constantly nagged at my consciousness, everything I witnessed seemed to awaken a new curiosity within me; how did it recognize each key, underline wrong grammar in a broken red line, can it ignore instructions and do something entirely of its own thinking?
Being self driven, I welcomed my new pursuit to understand computing and read anything I could get my hands on. As I became immersed into the wonder of artificial intelligence at only fifteen years old, I started discerning patterns as a new world was revealed to me. The buzzing of the electric kettle had new meaning, the time on my wristwatch had a story of its own, so did my alarm clock; they had all been programmed! Sleeping or eating became secondary pastimes, everything started revolving around the new marvel that was unravelling.
As a result, I became interested in creating tools that made life better for other people. I discovered there were languages that computers understood with instructions that explicitly declared what should happen when a certain event occurs. This realization set my imagination alight! I taught myself programming, falling in love first with the syntax, the different colors for special keywords, the flow of logic, and then its organization that encapsulated each function. I became wildly fascinated by the "meta" things about programming - the need to think critically that leads to better logical reasoning, the different approaches to identifying and solving problems.
At A-Level, my first endeavor to apply my acquired knowledge was to make scarce resources shareable within schools in my region. Using tools and open source software that I adapted to my needs, I created the first online students network resource center. I learned about security and privacy with regards to user data, organizing information, organically promoting and scaling an online service. The experience provided the self belief that I could tackle everyday problems using computers that would in-turn allow my solutions to spread fast and have a big impact.
Furthermore, I cofound a club for enthusiast programmers that succeeded in making our school the first to have a website in the country. Many of the junior students who helped in gathering and organizing content became interested with programming too and found meaning in after-class activities.
Even though I could not pursue a college education after high school due to financial constraints, I was offered a job as a Drupal developer at a distinguished web company.
However, through my experience, the need to thoroughly understand academic foundations of computing and software engineering at a deeper level, one that only a strict and committed academic pursuit at your renowned institution with all the necessary tools, has not gone unnoticed. I am fully confident that granted a chance to work and exchange ideas with other talented individuals, l have a lot to contribute in the field of computers and my studies at your university is the natural next-step that will empower me to realize my full potential and have a great career in creating software.
Chiko, try to rephrase the beginning of your essay. Don't say "From a very young age" because that is a term that is always used by the students to reinforce their interest in a subject. Try to make the essay sound more conversational by using terms that you would actually find yourself using if you were talking to a person face to face. For example, you can say "When I was 15, I had my first opportunity to use a computer. From the moment I saw the red line indicating my spelling mistake, I was hooked. How was this machine able to decipher what I typed and decide that I had done something wrong? I needed to find out how that happened..." That type of opening statement tells the reviewer more about you than simply saying "From a very young age..."
You should also consider expanding upon the discussion regarding the club that you co-founded. Detail what your position was and the kind of participation that you had at the start and at present within the club. This is your chance to showcase your leadership and other team work related abilities so make sure to highlight it in the essay.
Now, I have found that there is a disturbing trend among the college applicants these days. It is not necessary to be all negative about your shortcomings in your essay. I refer in particular to your statement that indicates:
Even though I could not pursue a college education after high school due to financial constraints, I was offered a job as a Drupal developer at a distinguished web company.
Going all negative on yourself and trying to invoke self pity in the essay will not work when the other applicants are hellbent on proving that they have the ability to go after their dreams in life, even if there are obstacles in their path. Reword that part to sound more positive and impressive by saying something like :
As a person who got by on my self taught skills and talents, the lack of a college degree did not deter the Drupal company from hiring me as a software developer for their company. Thus proving that when a person is naturally talented, a college degree can come later on in his life. I am living proof of that.
Also, you can omit this part of your essay:
I am fully confident that granted a chance to work and exchange ...
The reason you can omit it is because you are just saying the same thing that the other applicants are reciting in their own conclusions. Make yours stand out by offering an idea as to where you see yourself after graduation instead. What are your plans for your future? Explain how this degree will be the first step towards that direction for you. The reviewer will be more interested to read about that than why you think you are amply equipped to become a student.
Thank you SO MUCH for the feedback.
Here's my first revision, i've changed some things to affect the general tone and presentation:
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just don't forget to put the quotation marks around why's
Chiko, I edited your essay to make it tighter and more interesting as a personal statement. Please note the strikeouts and the explanations I will be providing. I may offer additional instructions per paragraph as well.
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... As I became immersed into the wonder of artificial intelligence, I started discerning patterns as a new world was revealed to me. The buzzing of the electric kettle had new meaning, the time on my wristwatch had a story of its own, so did my alarm clock; they had all been programmed! Sleeping or eating became secondary pastimes, everything started revolving around the new marvel that was unraveling.
- Keep the focus only on computer and programming related discussions. That is the sole focus of this personal statement. We need to prove the method the development of your interest in computers and programming.
Naturally, my desire to master this fascination and use it to solve my own problems came to the fore. I discovered there were languages that computers understood with instructions that explicitly declared what should happen when a certain event occurs. This realization set my imagination alight! I taught myself programming...
- Always go direct to the point in your paragraphs. It is senseless for you to be using word fillers when the reviewer has a limited time to review your work.
Coupled with my creative, forward thinking skills from chess that earned me numerous titles at provincial and national level, I knew my knack for strategizing and thinking creatively could be romantically married with computing power to create beautiful solutions. In my first endeavor using tools and open source software that I adapted to my needs, I created an online resource center that made scarce resources shareable within schools in my region. Can you imagine the glorifying feeling of leading a team of junior students, without no clear pathway in sight, just led by vision and desire to create something useful?Marshalling Marshaling and uniting different forces towards an end only my vision had painted, imparting the knowledge I knew and having to entrust part of that vision in others, the experience taught me a lot about leadership and teamwork.
- Never pose a question in an essay that you are not going to be providing an answer to. Do not ask the reviewer questions, he doesn't have the time to analyze the meaning of your words and queries.
As a person who got by on my self taught skills and talents, the lack of a college degree did not deter one of the established web companies in xxx from hiring me as a software developer...
- What proof can you offer to further strengthen this claim? Explain how the company came to know about you and why they decided to hire you.
However, through my experience, the need to thoroughly understand academic foundations of computing and software engineering at a deeper level... I look forward to exchanging ideas with other talented individuals. We are living at a time when technology is moving rapidly and changing the face of industries, making things easier and faster and I want to be at the forefront of this growing trend, crafting solutions that create employment in developing economies.
-The comment about meeting other people is not necessary at the moment. You just need to focus on the more personal aspect of this statement.
Apply the changes as i have provided them and then we will review the paper again. Maybe we can finalize the content after this edit ;-)
Thanks once again, here's the new draft (I think it's much, much more concise, I have more experience than what we have at the moment, outside of class {chess achievements & english literature awards + business achievements} but for brevity, we can leave them out/ good or bad idea?)
When I was 15, I had my first opportunity to use a computer. From the moment I saw the red line indicating my spelling mistake, I was hooked. How was this machine able to decipher what I typed and decide that I had done something wrong? I needed to find out how that happened. Naturally inquisitive about any phenomena that I witness, my sole obsession quickly became to thoroughly understand it all, not by observing it at face value, of course but digging deep to find out the why's behind it.
Being self driven, I welcomed my new pursuit to understand computing and read anything I could get my hands on. As I became immersed in the wonder of artificial intelligence, I started discerning patterns as a new world was revealed to me. The time on my wristwatch had a story of its own, so did my alarm clock; they had all been programmed! Sleeping or eating became secondary pastimes, everything started revolving around the new marvel that was unravelling.
I discovered there were languages that computers understood with instructions that explicitly declared what should happen when a certain event occurs. I taught myself programming, falling in love first with the syntax, the different colors for special keywords, the flow of logic, and then its organization that encapsulated each function. I became wildly fascinated by the "meta" things about programming - the need to think critically that leads to better logical reasoning, the different approaches to identifying and solving problems.
In my first endeavor using tools and open source software that I adapted to my needs, I created an online resource center that made scarce resources shareable within schools in my region. Marshaling and uniting different forces towards an end only my vision had painted, imparting the knowledge I knew and having to entrust part of that vision in others, the experience taught me a lot about leadership and teamwork.
After high school, I took up work as a freelancer software developer, going on to work with regional and international clientele even though I got by on my self taught skills and talents. It was after 2 years that I was offered a position at one of the established web companies in xxx as a Lead Software Developer. Thus proving that when a person is naturally talented, a college degree can come later on in his life. I am living proof of that.
However, through my experience, the need to thoroughly understand academic foundations of computing and software engineering at a deeper level, one that a strict and committed academic pursuit at a renowned institution with all the necessary tools, has remained firmly planted as a necessary step in the back of my mind. We are living at a time when technology is moving rapidly and changing the face of industries, making things easier and faster and I want to be at the forefront of this growing trend, crafting solutions that create employment in developing economies.
Chiko, the revision is great. I agree that we should include a part that deals with your extra curricular activities to show that you are a well rounded individual. I would include the part about chess this way:
Each time I moved the pawns across a chess board and saw the results of my actions, I could not help but compare it to the logic used by computers and the resulting outcome of the data analysis it undergoes. I discovered, through chess, that there were languages that computers understood with instructions that explicitly declared what should happen when a certain event occurs.
That was when I first taught myself programming, falling in love first with the syntax, the different colors for special keywords, the flow of logic, and then its organization that encapsulated each function...
That is just an idea as to how you can incorporate chess into the essay in a relevant manner. I believe that the logic of chess and computers are quite similar which is why I chose to use it as my example in the above paragraph :-) You can of course better improve upon it since you are directly involved in the activity.
Thanks for all your help!
