When i first asked myself the question "Why Tufts?",the first answer which came across my mind was "Why not Tufts".The welcoming diversity which gives you the sense that your home,A beautiful campus which is close to the city of Boston where there's good opportunities for internships,And a place where you are not just going to spend your 4 years but actually going to belong there for the rest of your life.And this is why i can safely say that tufts is the kind of school i will like to go.
This is what i wrote and i will like some help please
Mesut, you have written a good draft introduction for the response. So I would like to know what kind of word count we are looking at the moment. That is because my suggestions will require you to discuss certain aspects of "Why Tufts?" at great length and the word count will need to be considered in the development and composition of the response.
You need to get more personal with your line of reasoning. You have presented general reasons for opting for the university, which will also be cited by other applicants in the process. That means that this current response will not stand out for the reviewer in any way. However, I would like you to keep this paragraph if, and only if, you will need it to fill in the word count. If you have a limited word count that will require the deletion of this response in order to write a new one then please do so.
One way of improving the essay is to make sure that you refer to an intellectual commonality between you and Tufts. What does the academic goal of Tufts stand for? How does it relate to the type of education that you wish to have in college? With regards the the extra curricular activities, which of the organizations and clubs attract you and why? Responding accurately to those two questions will more than create a logical and interesting response on your end. The choice of university should not be based upon location, but it can be based on the opportunity for internships so if you can discuss that in a more specific manner you should be able to further generate interest in the reasons you opted to enroll at Tufts.
Thank you for the replay.this is what i came up with
When I asked myself "Why Tufts?",the first thought that crossed my mind was "Why not Tufts".The diversity gives me a sense of familiarity while the beautiful campus along with its proximity to Boston provides endless opportunities for internships. I hope to assist Dr.Leisk with his groundbreaking work on machine design which will give me the necessary base to conduct my own research later on. Mechanical Engineering is my passion and Tufts provides me with all the tools to pursue it, not to mention a gorgeous campus as well. After reading this you tell me, Why not Tufts.
Mesut, don't end the response with a question. That sounds a bit arrogant on your part. There was no need to mention the prompt again at the end actually so you can just totally delete that part of your response. it isn't going to help your application in any way so it doesn't need to be there. You already have a limited word count as it is so you use the word count wisely, don't waste it in filler comments.
Now, in the part of the statement where you indicate".The diversity gives me a sense of familiarity while the beautiful campus along with its proximity to Boston provides endless opportunities for internships. I hope to assist Dr.Leisk with his groundbreaking work on machine design which will give me the necessary base to conduct my own research later on. " You need to present a quick transition sentence after the internship comment which will connect that sentence to the next part about Dr. Leisk. There is no preparation or backgrounder that would let the reviewer prepare for the sudden change in information. So it seems like the essay suddenly disconnected in thought as you were writing it. Try to keep the essay smooth when it comes to transitions that way the essay comes across as an easy read.
thank you i deleted that part Today i started the second essay but it is not as good as i thought it will be.
There is a Quaker saying: "Let your life speak." Describe the environment in which you were raised-your family, home, neighborhood or community-and how it influenced the person you are today. (Required length is 200-250 words)
I grew up in family which was involved in medicine.They have always encouraged me to do the best i can and never give up in my dreams.They never forced me to do what they wanted but they always supported my ideas and gave me the opportunity to figure what was right and what was wrong.I had done a lot of activities but i always had a special interest in science and math.And this made me want to become an engineer in the future.Because of this great difference between my parents and me i learned how to accept other's ideas and this really influenced me in a positive way.Living in a community where i was seen as a outsider i always respected peoples ideas and tolerated people who were discriminating me.And this was actually what made me become a more diverse person because i got to meet people like me and this bordered my horizon and because of this i choose my father as my role model because he taught me how to respect people how to respect peoples ideas and most importantly he tough me to never give up in what i believed in and it is this which makes me who i am today.
can you please give me an idea about it
Mesut, focus your essay. You have a host of various essay prompts existing in this one that it makes my head hurt trying to figure out what it is exactly that you want to say. the comment about your father being your role model, delete it. It is just muddling up the content of your essay. What you need to do is decide upon just one setting to discuss and develop in this essay so that you can clearly present the kind of person you have become due to the influence of that particular community.
if you opt to discuss your family, then go ahead and mention that you father is your role model. Then do not present anyone else alongside him as being influential in your life. It is only his influence upon you that should be represented, discussed, and developed if you are to even stand a chance of properly identifying his influence upon you.
I do not see the need to mention that you come from a family of doctors, you already said that your parents did not try to influence your decision regarding your future career. However, you mention that in the essay without tying it in directly to the way that your family influenced and supported you in a strong manner.
So, you have to choose, either talk about the community or your parents. You can't discuss both because you seem to not have the ability to tie in 2 different communities into a single personality for yourself. I might be able to help you with that. I just need to see the kind of revision that you can develop first :-)
