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Tufts Supplement Essays - "Let your life speak" and "The world within"


ajliu84 3 / 6  
Dec 17, 2011   #1
If anyone's willing to give my essays a quick read and some opinions, I'd be very grateful =]
I'm considering maybe changing the topic for the first one. Still deciding and although I really like my second one, the actual issue in question was actually posed in the prompt. Do you think this could show unoriginality?

2. There is a Quaker saying: "Let your life speak." Describe the environment in which you were raised - your family, home, neighborhood or community - and how it influenced the person you are today. (200-250 words)

"United World College of South East Asia" is exactly what it sounds like: a school where the world metaphorically, though it sometimes feels very literally, unites. This is the school I've attended since I was in grade 4 and the very same one I will be graduating from in half a year's time.

This school and my almost 9 years, more than half my entire lifetime, spent at it have provided me with so much but above all, a realization of our current globalization. Located in the heart of the bustling Singapore city and squeezed between one of Singapore's most prestigious government funded schools with majority of students being of local Singaporeans and a preparatory school catered to the English, UWC is a diversity utopia of sorts where students from all over the world gather and learn together under a rooftop. It's not uncommon to be sitting in a classroom with a variety of people from nations spanning each continent of the globe.

The diversity of the student body has really led me to become the person I am today. It has helped me gain an appreciation of our community on a global scale, raised awareness of issues on an international level and most importantly provided me with an appropriate starting ground for our global 21st Century. In addition, to be able to greet someone in some 20 odd languages is pretty impressive, no?

3. For the second short response we asked you to consider the world around you. Now, consider the world within. Taste in music, food and clothing can make a statement while politics, sports, religion and ethnicity are often defining attributes. Are you a vegetarian? A poet? Do you prefer You Tube or test tubes, Mac or PC? Are you the drummer in an all-girl rock band? Do you tinker? Use the richness of your identity to

frame your personal outlook. (200-250 words)
Something unusual happened today. A previous teacher of mine passed by and as I greeted her with good morning, she gave me a quizzical look and walked over my way. The cogs in my head started whirring, as they do, why is she coming this way? Did I do something wrong? I hope I'm not in trouble...

"Andrew! It's good to see you and your last remaining PC in the school. Unfortunately, I've given in to the Mac craze! You hold out as long as you can!" she says before giving me a wink and walking away. I was flabbergasted. That was it? But then, the reality of her words hit me hard.

Indeed, I was one of the very, very few PC-users left in the school. With the school server recently changing to all Apple-based operating systems, it's just more easily compatible and with the new "e-learn" movement, it seems as if everywhere you look there's the iconic apple symbol.

So why haven't I changed? I'd like to think that I'm a non-conformer. I've been more than happy with my various PC computers over the years and have absolutely no intention of switching over due to a petty fad. I feel, albeit disheartened at my lack of PC companions, honoured to be one of the last remaining. I feel it gives me my sense of individualism and an element of uniqueness. If anything, the dying number of PC-users just fuels my determination to continue, to stay true to myself

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks.

coralandd 2 / 4  
Dec 17, 2011   #2
You can add about your experience in the school, like the different cultures you come across and share with your friends. Watch out for the word count limit though, maybe you would want to lessen the adjectives on describing the school and more specific examples of how it had shaped who you are today. Overall it is a very interesting essay but stress more onto how you are different from others because where you studied in instead of writing about the topic in general or from a large scope. Hit into the details.

Your preference to PC does show your strong sense of individualism, and like you said, true to yourself. But what of this makes you so different? What are the advantages that you have over those who have switched? Write more about your uniqueness

I hope my comments were of any help. Please stop by to read my essay as well. thankyou and goodluck :)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Dec 26, 2011   #3
raised awareness of issues on an international level and most importantly provided me with an appropriate starting ground for our global 21st Century. In addition, to be able to greet someone in some 20 odd languages is pretty impressive, no?

I guess i think this needs to be developed a little more. It's just a discussion of diversity; it's too simple and common. Instead of just discussing diversity in general, can you show how your unique plan for the future is impacted by diversity and international awareness? It's important to show the reader what is unique about you. Many people can rightly say they have experienced cultural diversity, but I think you can probably say something a little more.

the new "e-learning" movement, it seems as if everywhere you look there's the iconic apple symbol.


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