I want to express that I really really want to go to Tufts and define myself in an interesting way. Currently this is 220 words. Please let me know if this is an interesting response along with correcting any grammar mistakes, language, etc. Thanks!
prompt: Self-identity and personal expression take many forms. Use the richness of your life to give us insight: Who are you? What voice will you add to the Class of 2014? 200 words or less
I believe I was a bird in my past life. I can remember looking for robins during the early weeks spring, thinking that seeing their red bellies would bring me good luck. Or when in fifth grade, I discovered a book of poetry by Emily Dickinson and "Hope is the Thing with Feathers" became my first favorite poem. On a metaphorical level, I share many characteristics symbolically associated with birds. In ancient religions they served as messengers. I am middle child, thus often I am given the role of facilitating the passage of information and acting as a mediator for family members and friends. I possess the same wit associated with the crow, choosing to use charm, dry humor, and sarcasm on a daily basis. My quiet, understated wisdom is similar to the owl's and we both prefer night over day.
The bird is a valuable asset to the animal kingdom. Similarly, I will add value to Tufts's campus. Just as with the symbiotic relationship between the cattle egret and the elephant, as Tufts prepares me for the real world, I will be giving back to Tufts, as well as the greater Boston community, always remembering how lucky I am to have such an amazing education.
Or when in fifth grade, I discovered a book of poetry by Emily Dickinson and "Hope is the Thing with Feathers" became my first favorite poem.
On a metaphorical level, I share many characteristics symbolically associated with birds. On a metaphorical level and symbolically are not both needed. I would take out symbolically.
I amAs the middle child, thus often I am often given the role of facilitating the passage of information and acting as a mediator for family members and friends.
I really like your opening sentence and your creativity! However, I think you could have answered the prompt in more detail. I would use your bird examples to more explicitly state express "the richness of your life" (life as in specific details from your life - I grew up in/doing/overcoming etc.. like the bird..)
Also, I like the ending, but it would be nice if you added a specific detail - even show that you've researched the school.
Hope that helped!
Would you mind looking over mine?
Thanks!!!
