turned to basketball to help clear my head, Penn State personal statement

This is my penn state personal statement, apparently they want something under 1200 characters and my actual essay is way over so i whipped this up quick, can you guys lemme know if theres any corrections needing to be made. thanks!

Throughout my high school career I have faced many struggles and encountered many hindrances. And through all my problems I have always turned to basketball to help clear my head so I could properly analyze my situations. Which is why my summer basketball tournament is where I am most involved as one of the team captains. The summer tournament is something my church is associated with, so one of our main goals as a team is to minister to those who are not Christian through basketball. We hold rigorous practices every week over the course of the summer, and we are very strict in order to make sure that the players must attend church in order to play in games. But after the season is over a good majority of our players willingly come to church, which we believe to be a result of our dedication to each player individually. My involvement in this league has helped change a number of individuals, but I believe that it has changed me the most. All the different people I met during this league have truly helped me to diversify my view on life so now I can see things through the perspectives of different people.

"Which is why my summer basketball tournament is where I am most involved as one of the team captains."
this sentence needs to be rephrased to clarify that as team captain you took it as your duty to join this basketball tournament over the summer to encourage people to attend church.

"As team captain, the summer basketball tournament has been a great way for me to clear my head and become involved in helping the church." just a suggested rephrase, probably not the best still

Never start with a statement of the obvious. It is better to skip it. Start like this:

Throughout my high school career I have faced many struggles and encountered many hindrances. And t Through all my problems I have always turned to basketball to help clear my head so I could properly analyze my situations.

See, that is a powerful first sentence. If you start with an obvious sentence that applies to everyone, the reader stops paying attention.