Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 2

Turning Points Essay! Needs better grammatical and sentence structure


Predator Enzo 1 / -  
Oct 28, 2012   #1
So for our assignment, we have to make an essay about a turning point that has changed our lives. I chose to talk about dancing and I need help ASAP because it's due very soon. I'm looking for grammatical and sentence structure help. My teacher says I need to synthesize more so tell me if you like this.Hope you like it and here it is:

Whipped Into Inspiration?

"Dance is your pulse, your heartbeat, your breathing. It's the rhythm of your life. It's the expression in time and movement, in happiness, joy, sadness and envy."- Jaques D'Amboise. Every since I was a little demon, I would be astonished and mesmerized by how a dancer could captivate your attention on their movements. One simple technique could keep you wondering all night. Questions you would ask yourself would be; how did he do that or how much practice did it take him/her just to perfect that one single move? I've had this urge, ever since I was 7 years old, to be able to entertain thousands of millions of people on a stage. I've always thought that life is about leaving your mark in this world. I feel that through dance I could transmit my life story and leave my mark. I know that I will get to the top by practicing and putting one hundred twenty percent of dedication and passion into my performance. My life has gone in a completely different direction after ambition that I've found. I have been practicing and learning many different styles of dance (Jerking, Bonebreaking, Turfing, Popping, Matrix) along my pilgrimage. "You do a certain movement and tons of people in the crowd go "Oooh" , and you didn't even need to say nothing, tell a joke, sing lyrics because you were just moving to the beat. That always gets them" -Alonzo Jones

Before I found my passion for dance, I only had one goal in mind. That goal was to become "THE BEST" professional soccer player. I've been told that dreaming big will only lead to disappointment but I'm a very fierce competitor. I'm perseverant and tenacious in achieving my goals. I remember that, before I was introduced to the art of dance, I wanted to somehow be unique in our society. Before dance, I was mostly focusing on designing my ideal life. I want too build my life towards something. That "something" are my goals in life.

The first time I saw a dance routine was when I saw a performer who was about 17 years old. On that wedding evening, the music was blasting and there was this one stage. Anybody who was brave enough would go up there and dance in front of the wedding guests. I was sitting down beside my uncle and we were eating while watching the people dancing on the stage. Seldom people went on the stage to perform but this one kid came and defied the stage. He went up on the stage and asked the DJ for a specific song. He started dancing and I'm not quite sure what style he was using because I have a very vague memory of that day. He then inspired me into dancing after his performance. I felt ,throughout his performance, that I needed to be like him. So from that day on, I decided to dance. I started practicing and doing a lot of research. Another person who inspired me even more to dance is Joyce's brother Jorge. I forgot what activity we were doing at school but I remembered it was pretty awesome. Jorge danced and wow. I could feel his commitment to the dance routine. I don't know how, but that's the magic of dance.

Throughout this journey, I have been exposed to many dance styles. For example: Jerking, Bonebreaking, Flexing, Turfing and Popping. Jerking is all about showing who's boss on the stage and showing your skill. Turfing and Bone breaking (also called Flexing) are two styles that are usually combined. They work together as a group. The term Turf is an acronym meaning "Taking Up Room On The Floor" and Flexing is contortionist movement combined with gliding. I personally like flexing better because the audience get entertained more. I mostly like doing stuff that shock the audience with questions. My signature move is the "Air Walk and Slow Mo Walk". I love using the Matrix dance style because it always leaves the audience fascinated. All my focus is towards my perfomance on stage and how I captivate my viewers heedfulness.

My life has advanced very differently since I've been into dance. I used to only be into the European sport called Football but now I'm also into dance. I will express my life story through dance. I hope that one day a person in the audience can be inspired just like the way I was. Dancing has a been a very vital part in my life. Growing with it has made me look at the world differently. "Remember that dance has a dimension beyond the physical. The body-as imperfect as it always is-is only part of the picture. Your energy, the quality of your movement, your feeling about the world, your dance spirit-that is what we see under the lights."~ Dance Magazine 3/05 ~
rdepree - / 2  
Nov 16, 2012   #2
Dance is your pulse, your heartbeat, your breathing. It's the rhythm of your life. It's the expression in time and movement, in happiness, joy, sadness and envy."- Jaques D'Amboise. Ever( no y at the end of ever) since I was a little demon, I would be astonished and mesmerized by how a dancer could captivate your attention on(remove on put with) their movements. One simple technique could keep you wondering all night. Questions you would ask yourself would be; how did he do that or how much practice did it take him/her just to perfect that one single move? I've had this urge, ever since I was 7 years old, to be able to entertain thousands of millions (get rid of of millions) of people on a stage. I've always thought that life is about leaving your mark in this world. I feel that through dance I could transmit my life story and leave my mark. I know that I will get to the top by practicing and putting one hundred twenty percent(just say one hundred percent here) of dedication and passion into my performance. My life has gone in a completely different direction after ambition that I've found.(I don't like the previous sentence here, you may want to just omit it) I have been practicing and learning many different styles of dance (Jerking, Bonebreaking, Turfing, Popping, Matrix) along my pilgrimage. "You do a certain movement and tons of people in the crowd go "Oooh" , and you didn't even need to say nothing, tell a joke, sing lyrics because you were just moving to the beat. That always gets them" -Alonzo Jones (you may need to cite where you got the quotes from in this paper if it is a scholarly paper.) Let me know if this was helpful and I will finish the rest. redepree


Home / Undergraduate / Turning Points Essay! Needs better grammatical and sentence structure