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tutoring programs and learning projects - UIUC Essay prompt


demuredelight 2 / 22  
Dec 16, 2009   #1
ESSAY #2: In an essay of 300 words or less, choose one extracurricular activity, work experience or community service project from the list you provided on the application and explain why you initially chose it, why you continued with it, and how you benefited from it.

Friends, my essay is about a volunteering experience. Please do me a favor to look through my essay for UIUC, thanks a billion!

I am an enthusiastic volunteer who has special compassion for children. I devoted myself in tutoring programs and initiated a service learning project, "Dream beyond Your Limit", together with my three fellow schoolmates. My group proposed to organize activities for two groups of children, namely ones from underprivileged backgrounds and ones fighting against terminal illness as we believe that by offering our love and care, we would be able to restore hope and confidence in their broken hearts. During interaction before the onset of major activities, I found our goal a big challenge. We had overlooked the difference in psychological conditions of these children from the rest: they are apparently innocent kids who feel abandoned and lost; they were easily upset and resort to violence rather than logical reasoning to alleviate anxiety; they demanded attention but could hardly express themselves properly to gain acknowledgement. When we eventually launched the activities, our efforts were handicapped by lack of professional psychology and social work expertise as we were incapable of handling a large crowd of children. We, however, continued and improved the activities to call for their emotional responses. We believed that our perseverance would bring our message across to them that one should not give up one's aspirations easily; moreover, lethal diseases and poor family environment were barriers that could be overcome. At the end of the project, the group and the children established valuable friendship, fueling the children's desire to achieve personal goals. The project not only benefited the participants, but also the organizers who were equipped with project management skills, team spirit and, most importantly, better understanding of the needs of children and other disadvantaged groups. I also decided to pursue a psychology major since then to offer specialized help to the psychologically vulnerable groups.

Luvdance16 5 / 12  
Dec 16, 2009   #2
This is well written. only a few suggestions My group proposed to organize activities for two groups of children, namely ones from underprivileged backgrounds and ones fighting against terminal illness as we believe that by offering our love and care, we would be able to restore hope and confidence in their broken hearts. somehat lengthy try to vary this sentence

* During interaction before the onset of major activities, I found our goal a insert to be big challenge.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 19, 2009   #3
My group proposed to organize activities for two groups of children -- those namely ones from underprivileged backgrounds, and those fighting against terminal illness. We believe that, by offering our love and care, we would be are able to restore hope and confidence in their broken hearts.

Now, right here, end the first paragraph and let the next sentence begin paragraph 2!!

I also decided to pursue a psychology major since then to offer specialized help to the psychologically vulnerable groups.---> let's talk more about this if you can make room! This is an important topic. It is related to the experience you describe, and it shows your seriousness. What schools of thought in psych do you favor? I recommend for you a book by Frankl called Man's Search for Meaning.

I'm impressed by your excellent drive to help people. Thanks for being so great!!
OP demuredelight 2 / 22  
Dec 20, 2009   #4
Tks for your valuable advice, Kevin. I am just a beginner in this field. I am interested in Carl Jung's theories. These days I am watching Lie to Me, so I become fascinated with studies on deception by Paul Ekman. Should I include what school of thought I favour or which psychologist I admire into my essay? Anyway, I only have 300 to go. Man's Search for Meaning is a nice book!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 22, 2009   #5
Yes, I think the most impressive thing you can do is show that you are already being proactive about exploring the various schools of psychology -- and forming your own opinions. If you are fascinated and motivated, that makes you the opposite of the type of student that is just being pushed through life by parents and teachers. You should show that you cannot help reading everything you can find about psychology.


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