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For twelve years of my life, I lived beside this river - Brown's essay: the places you have lived

BlueClara 1 / 1  
Nov 11, 2014   #1
Tell us where you have lived - and for how long - since you were born; whether you've always lived in the same place, or perhaps in a variety of places. (100 word limit)

For twelve years of my life, I live beside this river. When I was small, the river was my paradise. Swimming and catching fishes, I never failed to have fun. After I went to middle school, I moved from the east of the river to the west. The river became special cure, making me peaceful. Having bad scores on exams, arguing with my dad, and feeling perplexed about future, I come to the river and seek for remedy. Seasons have passed, but the river always stays the same, smiling to this fast changing world and growing me.


vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Nov 11, 2014   #2
Jma, does the river have a name? Please mention it just in case the admissions officer is familiar with your country of origin and might be able to visualize you growing up near the river. You should also make a connection between the river and the community you live in because it will allow you to show a part of your word that may not be evident in the other essay prompts. More importantly, explain how the river affected your character development as a person so that you can better explain the relevance of where you have lived and for how long in relation to your character development. These are just a few suggestions on my part that I hope will help you better tweak your essay in preparation for submission.
OP BlueClara 1 / 1  
Nov 11, 2014   #3
Thank you so much! This is really helpful.It just that the word limit is very annoying...
admission2012 - / 481 90  
Nov 12, 2014   #4

I normally advise clients to be as specific as possible. However, for this essay prompt, they are looking for a more high level response. When they ask "where did you live," they mean on a bigger community level town- city- state, maybe even country. While your river example is good, it does not provide you with the depth that they are looking for in this very short essay. Talk more about the greater community you are from and if you have not traveled much, you can use the extra space to talk about how that community has helped shape the person you are today. - Admissions Advice Online

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