Hello, I'm currently in the process of applying to UF, the deadline for early action is November 1, and I'm requesting any helpful changes needed in the essay. I would greatly appreicate.
In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.
When Two Arts Collide
It starts with a sharpened pencil and a clean sheet of music. I let my thoughts run down my arm, to my hand, through the pencil and onto the paper. I let my pencil exemplify my expressions and create a world of my imaginations on a sheet of paper. At a young age I started drawing my own comic strips and cartoon characters; but like most children, I decided to try something new, something nobody else in my family was able to do. I decided to learn how to play the clarinet and the alto saxophone. I was playing wrong notes constantly and I was not sure if I would be any good at the clarinet or the saxophone; but I did not quit. I pushed myself to practice every day, until I could play my instruments.
The hours of repeated practice at home, after school, and participation in class began to show. I was beginning to master the clarinet and the saxophone, and was beginning to exhibit more proficiency to the extent of my band directors started to notice my drastic improvement. Then in the eighth grade I was chosen to be in their high school marching and symphonic band. Initially, it was my intention to only be an artist; however, I found myself playing the clarinet and saxophone. As my dexterity in music increased, my interest in art also increased. I began to draw real-life people, landscapes, and original cartoon characters. The discipline and determination I put into mastering my two instruments and drawing reflects academically. I devote the same amount of effort into hours into studying for tests, homework, and maintaining a 3.4 GPA. I am in the top ten percent of my class, taking AP classes, volunteering, participating in my school's clubs, and persevering in the school's rigorous Visual Art Academy.
My artistic and musical abilities will influence my college experience because I will be majoring in Graphic Design and hopefully minoring in music. With my talents I hope I can fulfill my dreams of becoming a successful graphic designer or a recording artist. I know I will able to achieve my goals at this university. During my visit to the campus, I was overwhelmed with its beauty and the opportunities for internships at University of Florida Performing Arts. An internship from the University of Florida will give me a real-life work experience in the field of graphic design. I do not have any of experience in graphic design, but I have a goal that I have strived to become one ever since I knew I had an ability to draw. That goal is to one day develop the next best cartoon show for children. I did not have adequate experience in playing an instrument. I managed to master my instruments, and I know the University of Florida can help me be a great graphic designer and musician. I know the school has the tools to help me fulfill my dreams.
I let my thoughts run down my arm, to my hand, through the pencil and onto the paper. I let my pencil exemplify my expressions and create a world of my imaginations on a sheet of paper.
I though this was AWESOME! I once used a sentence like this with my spoken word... " The words come to my mind, seep down into my fingers and find their way to the blank sheet sitting in front of me. Writing is a gift that I never take for granted."
Your essay looks great to me considering we only have 500 words :)