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I was two when my great-grandfather passed away from lung cancer; Challenge/ UBS


vanhero 1 / -  
Dec 9, 2012   #1
Significant challenge/ Leadership : UBC Applcation
I'd appreciate any and all criticism that would help me improve on my essay. Nothing is too harsh, I can handle it :3

I'd like to know whether or not I'm answering the question properly, or if I'm being too vague and whatnot.

Explain how you responded to a significant challenge that you have encountered and what you learned in the process?
I was two when my great-grandfather passed away from lung cancer. At the time I couldn't comprehend the magnitude of the situation; only the pain that it caused. That pain still resonates today.

Shortly before my 16th birthday, news came that my great-grandmother had terminal cancer and that her health was quickly declining. This came as a complete shock, and it was excruciating to cope with. I fell into a depressive state upon receiving this news. We flew to Hong Kong within weeks and visited frequently leading up to her death. In her twilight days, I promised her that I would commit myself make a change.

I had a purpose again.

I spent the next months meticulously working on projects and participating in several clubs to fulfill that promise. I started FoodFourThought with my friend; an initiative that aims to educate youth about making healthier food choices. Something else I eventually became involved with was turning our home opener basketball game, into a fundraiser for cancer awareness. Coping with, and overcoming my great-grandmothers loss has become the hardest challenge of my life. I've faced heartbreak and learned to grieve, but more importantly I've learned to help myself, by helping others.

Describe your most significant leadership experience. Why do you consider this your most significant leadership role?

In the summer of 2011, I was given the opportunity to volunteer for a youth organization, at a small city called Yuyao in Ningbo, China. I had worked with younger children before, but communication was a barrier that I had to overcome.

When I entered the room of 21 children, the reception was awe-inspiring. Immediately, I was tasked with the responsibility of organizing these children into groups for the day's activity. The rest of the day was spent easing myself into the environment.

Midway throughout the week, we were informed that one of the children had sustained damage to their home. Wasting no time, I rallied the support of the instructors and took the initiative to arrange for us to help this child. We spent the next few days gathering material and began the rebuilding process. Choosing to lead by example, I stayed well past the operating hours of the organization. Consequently I managed to garner the support of the parents as well. By the time my week was up, the house was better than ever.

My involvement resulted in the benefit of someone else. Instead of depending on someone, I became someone that people could depend on.

Describe your most significant group work experience including the role you played and your contributions?

FoodFourThought is a group project that my friend and I started last year in early November of 2011. The premise was simple; to educate the youth in the community and help them towards making healthier life choices. Initial interest was low, so we tasked ourselves with promoting our initiative of helping others. I had the responsibility of marketing our group to a larger audience which has been a long and copious process.

Most of the early forms of marketing were through word of mouth. This changed into flyers promoting information sessions, which strived towards addressing key fundamental issues that FoodFourThought still discusses: global awareness, food awareness, healthy living and charitable causes.

FoodFourThought recognizes that the youth are the foundation of the future. Our group aims towards educating and developing good habits among these younger children.

FoodFourThought is my most significant group experience because we help others. Something that I emphasize in particular is the positive influence that these children have on each other.

The group also seeks to assist children that don't necessarily have the financial means to maintain a healthy diet. My participation with helping people and talking to young students is something I hope to continue in university.

Tell us about an experience, in school or out, that caused you to rethink or change your perspective. What impact has this had on you?

A close friend of mine recently passed away in a tragic car accident. The initial prognosis was grim; while his body appeared unharmed he was brain dead. When it was decided that he was to be pulled off life support, it sunk in.

Life's too short.

His sudden death shocked our entire school community. My perspective changed entirely. I was crestfallen. All of a sudden; I was forced to face my demons once again; to question the important things in life. It was at the site of the accident that I was able to properly grieve his loss.

The things that I once took for granted would now be cherished. His bright future that was cut short by death would be now something that I tried to fulfill in his honour.

I would no longer doubt the heart and soul that I poured into the numerous groups that I'm involved with. I focused on combining my passion of playing basketball with my desire to help others. Since his death, I've become more involved than ever. I'm in the process of organizing a toy drive dedicated to my late friend with the help of family and peers.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Dec 9, 2012   #2
That pain still resonatestoday.

"still" makes "today" redundant :)

I am sorry to say but you need to improve this a lot. The deaths of grand parents are a common phenomenon in the world and they don't be life challenges in the eyes of admission committee. So you've got to tell them how they became significant challenges to you. Sorrow and pain that follows from departing a loved one is not enough to show them as a challenge. You need to talk about how these incidents affected you and how you overcame it. : (


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