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Only two kinds of people in this world: those who accept change and those who don't

greengrass 1 / 1  
Jan 5, 2015   #1
Hello, everyone. I need help with the prompt for the University of Maryland. I chose the first question. Thank you for your time.

1. Terps are diverse. They bring intellectual, social and cultural differences to our community. Describe the different parts of you which will contribute to our diverse campus community. (500 word limit)

Someone once told me that there were only two kinds of people in this world: those who accept change and those who don't; and that the truest form of one's character is defined by his or her response to moments of adversity. I have never considered myself strong and courageous, someone who can adapt to any given situation or who won't take "no" for an answer. Rather, I have considered myself an outsider, someone who finds worth in themselves.

As I stand still, as if waiting for someone, the only thing I can hear is my heartbeat. A glimmer of light above the horizon sparks. Somewhere, someone else has seen what I have seen and maybe has wished for what I have wished. To fulfill myself, I long for the days of my youth, when I dreamt for as long as I could without the coldness of the world to set me still. But I know that I must begin; and like that flash, I want to free my mind of what my heart beats for. How can I, if what I wanted to change was what I believed I couldn't? I can change myself.

Both my parents had always dreamed of going to college. And they still do. One of my fears is not that I will undoubtedly fail; it's that I will forget them. I ask myself, who do I do it for? I know I can never fulfil the countless prayers and wishes my mom still keeps for me. Nor do I have the courage to tell her that. Sometimes I can't let go of our arguments of how I should act and what I should do. It's not because she's wrong; it is more of how I forget the stories she carries with her are also mine, and ultimately, ours.

It has been about three years since I saw my first shooting star and I still have the notebook to describe it. Looking back, I wished I could photograph it but then I see that it begins to lose its meaning. The unexpectedness and serendipity remind me of how beautiful but brief the moments of life are. And despite the latter, I am reminded of her, my mom, and how her radiance and candor changes me.

Alan Moore compares the stars as "old photographs," something of the past as it is already done. I can't help but be reminded of this quote from Sarah Dessen: "Some things are meant to be broken, imperfect, and chaotic. It's the universe's way of providing contrast." Like how the stars are a million light years from Earth, the past and present are both alive and no different, shining on brightly as they had first appeared.

lynn1997h 3 / 37 4  
Jan 5, 2015   #2
en situation or who won't take "no" for an answer

add comma before "or"

someone who finds worth in themselves

what do you mean by this?

Describe the different parts of you which will contribute to our diverse campus community

i personally don't see how your essay answers this part of the prompt. If analyzed in-depth, perhaps one can, but keep in mind that these readers go through hundreds of essays and do not spend a very long time analyzing each sentence in depth.

Hope this helps
vangiespen - / 4,140 1449  
Jan 5, 2015   #3
Cecilia, you have not properly responded to the prompt. Your essay discusses the reasons why you want to attend college, not the reasons that you will be able to contribute to a diverse community on campus. The essay clearly states that you must discuss the interesting parts of your personality, most likely the extra curricular activities that you enjoy participating in, and how these activities or personality can help bring diversity and a fun atmosphere to the campus.

While your current essay is quite touching and nostalgic, it does not present any aspect of your character that the essays requires you to provide. My opinion is that you cannot use this essay in response to the prompt. You need to write a new essay that better reflects the required response based upon the facts about you that can help you contribute further to the fun diversity of the campus.
OP greengrass 1 / 1  
Jan 5, 2015   #4
@lynn1997h and @vangiespen Thank you so much! I guess I will have to revise and redo the prompt. .

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