#1 If you were to write a novel about a fictional character based on real events, past or present, who would you write about and why? How do you relate to this character?
If you were never born, everything and everyone you have come in contact with so far in your life would be different in some way, even if just slightly. In some places, you did not matter, but in other places, your presence was vital, and you may or may not have known it. It was meant to be that you were in certain places at certain times, and that would be due to fate.
There are two things that I love about life: helping other people, and when fate seems to have brought you a miracle, so the novel I would write would revolve around those two themes. Rather than only having one main character, it would have multiple, who have almost nothing to do with each other, minus on thing. A penny. The story would open up with someone tossing a lucky penny on the ground, and then the plot would follow the character who stopped to pick it up, showing how his life was affected from his luck. When he was finished with the penny, he would toss it on the ground for the next main character to pick up, and the story would continue in that manner. Each character would have his or her life changed drastically from the lucky penny, and all for the better. In the end, all of the characters would meet each other.
My novel idea reflects how I am a believer in fate and how I find it highly rewarding to be able to help other people, especially when you help them more than you could possibly understand. I also believe that fate helps you out when you most need it, and in each novel character's situation, they would be in dire need of the lucky penny they find. They way some things happen unpredictably makes me think that anyone you come in contact with, either directly or indirectly, could have an impact on your life, such as in this story. Perhaps if I were never born, some of the people I have met in my life would be completely different, and I like to think that is true.
#2,(make your own question) Write about something you lack and how you plan on gaining it.
Sometimes I can't believe how little I really know about the world. I only know what I'm surrounded by, and that is a typical, suburban-living, high school life. I have not been exposed to much outside of this, and I know I need to be. I know not what it is like to survive in a cruel world without the comfort of my parents, teachers, and friends, as I have all my life. It is hard for me to realize how petty my problems may be now without being able to compare them to much tougher "real world" challenges. My viewpoint of life is very narrow, with potential to be very wide.
What I need is perspective. Right now, my world revolves around tons of insignificant issues like appearance, two-week-long relationships, popularity, experimentation, poor judgment, and what other people think of you. This is the epitome of high school life that I am no longer a victim of. I feel more than ready for my world to become "real," so that I can break out of the bubble of naivety that I'm living in and learn what life is really about. Though I have gained a lot of knowledge about what to expect and how to prepare for the real world, I can not say I understand it until I have experienced it. I want to indulge in ways of life other than my own, and I want to put my current life in perspective by experiencing much more exciting, confusing, depressing, exhilarating, and important events and emotions.
Thinking about what I have yet to see and learn and do, I am beside myself with anxiety and excitement. There is nothing more important to me than living a full life and taking advantage of everything I can in order to be truly happy. By introducing myself to a variety of experiences, I will be able to acquire the different perspectives on life that I desire to hold. The more I know, the more I will be of use to this world, the "real world."
The first essay is pretty good. The idea you describe has been done before, of course, but there is something fascinating about the concept.
The second essay needs more work. Essentially, you lack experience, and plan to gain it by continuing to live. That doesn't exactly make you stand out from every other applicant, except in a bad way when you are compared to students who have had to overcome adversity to get to the point where they could apply themselves. Perhaps you could rewrite the essay to focus on a specific sort of experience you lack that you have a specific plan to gain?
I can tell that the second essay was much harder for you to write. It is tough to look at what you don't have, especially when you come from a sheltered, suburban existence like so many other college applicants.
Keep in mind that this is an admission essay and you want to sell yourself. When you say, "Right now, my world revolves around tons of insignificant issues like appearance, two-week-long relationships, popularity, experimentation, poor judgment, and what other people think of you," the reader starts forming a mental image of you that is less than positive and doesn't bode well for your success on a college campus. If you are having two-week relationships in high school, what will the freedom of college bring your way? Experimentation and poor judgeship? Again, as a reader, I imagine that these words are alluding to drug and alcohol use. If I were on an admission panel, I'd worry about you flaming out at college. What other people think of you? When you use the second-person there, it is like addressing the reader personally.
The theme is okay. Your reality is what it is and you can't invent adversity just to impress an admission committee, but keep in mind the purpose of the essay. Omit things that put you in a bad light, talk about your banal and sheltered life, and come up with an experience that the school can provide you to break the mold you have been in.
i revised the second essay. is this one better? thanks!
Sometimes I can not believe how little I really know about the world. I only know what I am surrounded by, and that is a typical, suburban-living, high school life. I have not been exposed to much outside of this, and I know I need to be. Mentally, I have matured very quickly, and it did not take long for me to realize how much life I am missing out on by being fastened to my sheltered existence. My viewpoint of life is very narrow, but with potential to be very wide.
What I need is perspective. While I know I am an intelligent person and have developed plenty of knowledge to understand some of the most crucial and meaningful aspects of the world, there are some things I can not say I fully comprehend until I have experienced them. I want to indulge in ways of life other than my own, and I want to put my current life in perspective by experiencing much more exciting, confusing, depressing, exhilarating, and important events and emotions. By taking my first steps into adulthood at the University of Maryland, I feel that I will be able to take advantage of many opportunities, both in my studies and outside of the classroom, to expand my viewpoint and help break the mold I have been living in.
Thinking about what I have yet to see and learn and do, I am beside myself with anxiety and excitement. There is nothing more important to me than living a full life and taking advantage of everything I can in order to be happy, wise, and full of experience. I need my routine life to be shaken by something that will re-spark the momentum of figuring out who I am, and I feel that in my college experience at Maryland, I will get my fill of shaking, and therefore, learn so much more about the world and myself.
