Anything you think I could improve?
Thanks for all your help, guys.
Please tell us how you have spent the last two summers.
Here, it gets up to 40şC in summer. So we usually run. Not really because of the heat, it's more or less the same all the while from March to October anyway, but simply because my mom loves running. Or traveling. Sometimes they mean the same thing.
Two summers ago I spent two weeks going around Europe with my family. We ate fish and chips in England, visited a castle in Scotland, drove twice across the Rhine in Germany, biked across Bruges in Belgium, and had crepes for breakfast for a whole week in Paris.
One summer ago my family went on a trip to Disney Land. I went to Stanford Summer College instead. There was a time when I didn't understand how anyone could put anyplace over Disney. I didn't notice exactly when this changed, but last summer I packed my bags, flew to California, signed up for summer classes, and saw Disney only through pictures of my siblings smiling next to Captain Hook. I regret none of it.
Summer college has been one of the most memorable experiences of my life. I took Painting and Drawing, which I absolutely adored, and Cultural Anthropology, whose reading assignments I've gone over again and again when I'm bored. I also audited Biochemistry and showed off around my former AP Biology classmates. I made many good friends and I opened up to people like I never had before. I used to be so shy and reserved, and while I didn't become a complete extrovert either, I found it easy to strike up conversation and hang around completely new people. I learned about independence and sometimes I wouldn't make my bed. I traveled to San Francisco with a couple of friends, and around campus close to midnight. I spent hours in the painting studio, enjoying the quiet, the brushes, and the colors. My roommate, my friends, and all the people who hung out at the dorm lounge were my family for the whole summer. I even cried when everyone said goodbye, and I don't cry easily. I met people from all over the world, I almost lost my accent, and I came back a polished person; organized, grown-up, and ready to take on life.
I learned about independence and sometimes I wouldn't make my bed. I traveled to San Francisco with a couple of friends, and around campus close to midnight.
These sentences could be better phrased as follows:
I learnt to be independent and make my own decisions, some bring as insignificant as not making my own bed (if that is the point you wish to convey. I couldn't quite follow your trail of thought here)
I roamed around campus near midnight, and even visited San Francisco with a couple of friends.
Overall, it's a simple, nice essay and an honest answer to the question. Good luck :)
I really only mentioned the bed thing because people seem to be really messy when their parents aren't there to tell them to pick up. My room was one of the few that you could go into without stepping on something. So seeing that not cleaning up seemed to be one of the consequences of independence I thought I'd add it there. Now I can see it doesn't really work as well as I'd wish. I'll figure out a way to change it.
Thanks for your help :)
EDIT:
Hm. Do you think this is better?
I learned to be independent; I wouldn't make my bed, I would roam around campus near midnight, and I would travel to San Francisco without supervision.
I thought the essay is really concrete and specific. You told others what you have done in Europe in only one sentense by using parallel structure.
Besides, you emphasized your activity in summer college and depict yourself through change of characteristics and emotion.
And your language is fine either. I really like your essay
