Two words that describes my community is a bubble and exclusive. Scarsdale is my new home and it is small town that have diverse mansions, country clubs, reservations, parks, and even schools. However, the one thing it lacks is diversity. During the time I lived in Scarsdale, I realized the importance of diversity.
After moving to Scarsdale in the seventh grade from Queens, I realized that the community was predominantly Jewish. As an Asian American student, I felt awkward to live in this environment. Fitting in to a group in my new school was especially hard because no one was Asian and some of my classmates have never associated with Asians before. I was always the only Asian student in every class and felt like I didn't belong in this community.
However, after entering Scarsdale High School, I felt an urge to defy the norm in my community. I suddenly did not want to try hard to fit in a clique nor did not care what others thought about me. I was my own independent and confident self. I was proud to be a Korean American and showed my pride through my active involvement in the International Club and the yearbook. As vice president of the International Club, I was able to learn about different people's cultures from all over the world and share my culture as well. I realized the importance of learning about different cultures through this club because it helped me develop my personality and widen my perspective of the world. By learning about other cultures, it also lessen the ignorance that exists in many closed communities.
After being elected as the "rare" Asian editor to be in the yearbook, I believed that the social norm in my community started to fade. After looking at past yearbooks, I had noticed that there wasn't much diversity in it. As the current editor in the yearbook, I poured my energy into learning more about different groups in my school such as the Japanese international students and the Spanish students and took many pictures of them.
After hearing about Rutgers's long embrace for diversity, I was extremely excited to apply because I knew that this was the right college for me. Its diverse environment would be beneficial to me because I would be able to experience the cultures that I've learned about from my club members and also teach others about them. Rutgers will definitely further my education and knowledge, and create wide friendships with diverse people. Not only will this college help me learn about different cultural aspects and widen my education, but also I can welcomed and not feel left out.
Overall, it was a pretty good essay. I would hit on more how you felt scarsdale wasn't diverse by adding examples about the demographics there instead of the types of housing and such.
also, I didn't get the "rare" part of the essay but that's most likely my own fault haha
overall good job! ask any questions about the edits if you want, and I can make more.
Also return the favor and I read my essay!
I think you should find some synonyms or other ways to say 'realized' and use them to switch it up! And also, instead of calling yourself Asian, announcing it, it would sound nicer if you described it. Describe yourself as the only one with sleek black hair or how you're the only one who did not look like them (by describing how they all seem).
