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"The Two Worlds Of HK" -tufts let your life speak supplement


blackpixel23 19 / 46  
Jan 2, 2011   #1
So here's my answer to the Tufts prompt:

2. There is a Quaker saying: ''Let your life speak.'' Describe the environment in which you were raised--your family, home, neighborhood or community--and how it influenced the person you are today. (200-250 words)

I have some concerns about my essay. First off, mine is 280 words so if you could see some things to cut out, do tell. And secondly, the prompt seems to ask for the main environment I was raised in but for this essay I wrote about one of many environments that I've been in. That ok? Anyways here it is...

Though both sides of my family live within the small area of Hong Kong, each represents a contrasting lifestyle from the other. The aunts and uncles from my mother's side are authentic rag to riches stories. Raised in a rural Chinese village void of paved roads, they now reside in multi level abodes of marble floors and dark oak wall panels and live affluently. Living with them means lavish three hour dinners and even longer yacht trips. It means private chauffeurs and carefree shopping. However, I don't live thoughtlessly in this world but instead marvel at it. This side of Hong Kong reveals to me the pleasure and wealth that hard work achieves.

My relatives from my father's side haven't reached the same dizzying heights of opulence, but I find myself equally as happy when I stay with them, living modestly in tight apartments. I find happiness through the simpler things. I chat with ladies rolling dim-sum carts and travel the city by train. Dinners are at-home affairs where I giggle with cousins about odd looking seafood, and our voices fill the room as we sing disaccordingly in Chinese. Immersion into my father's world of Hong Kong has shown me that I can find pleasure in the ordinary things.

I live my life through a combination of these two worlds. My mother's side tells me to set my ambitions high while my father's side proves that I can find contentment anywhere. His side also reminds me to always stay humble and resist becoming haughty. As a result, I'm a simple down to earth guy but with big dreams. I have merged these two worlds together and seamlessly live between them.
amberisdead 9 / 28  
Jan 2, 2011   #2
I like ur essay!
I think its fine that u wrote abt the 2 environments. It fits the prompt.
I think u can delete-However, I don't live thoughtlessly in this world but instead marvel at it.
since u overshot the word limit.

some grammar:

three hour--->three-hour
equally as---->equally
ladies---->women
odd looking---->odd-looking
sing disaccordingly?----->i don't get this
down to earth---> i think u shld change this too cliche:)

Thats all!

Overall i really like ur essay Good luck!


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