I'll be applying to University at Albany soon, after being out of school for a year, and I'm not too sure about my essay. I wrote a rough draft, but don't know if its strong enough to submit. Here is my unfinished rough:
I caught it while I was in grade school. I was young and naive, I had no knowledge of what it was, nor did I know how fast it would spread later on in my life. However, the thought of it kept me running home everyday after school, and if I had ever been denied to it I would cry, scream, and thrash my arms about. I was a child, I did not know any better. My parents, of course, thought that I would just simply outgrow it. Little did they expect, the feeling did not cease, but flourished. It was in seventh grade, I believe, that in history class we learned more about it. No one would have guessed that school would cause it spread like an infection. It had become intoxicating to me. It was then did I fully understand what it was, it was Japan.
At first, people just laughed. Surely, they had thought, in time I'd just forget about it and find something more enjoyable. To me, nothing was more enjoyable. My fingers traced the pages of comic books, reading their every words, eyes fixated on every artistic curve of their pen. To me these weren't just comic books, and if you at the time had called them so I would just ignore you. They were manga, and that was just where it started. As I entered high school is when it has reached the boiling point. I was listening to music in Japanese, instead of English. Slowly I began understanding what they said, their words intoxicating to me.
It was my sophomore year that I had an idea. Surely, there were many others that had the same obsession that I did, I were sure of it. It was then that I grabbed a friend and began our journey. We started a club together, one that I would be President of for the next three years, Japanese Culture and Anime. It wasn't until after I had graduated that I had noticed the impact it on me. I grew out of the comic books and animated TV shows, but I indulge myself every now and then, and grew into wanting to know more about the language and culture.
It was a hunger I tried to satisfy, causing me to buy many books on the subject. I had a few, but none had captured my attention more than The Tale of Genji. Sometimes called the first novel of the world, it captivated me. I was hooked on the language of Japan and its literature. It was then, that I had decided what I wished to do with my life.
Harsh criticism and comments encouraged. Also, its not finished yet.
Seems interesting so far. You might want to add a bit explaining what exactly it is that you want to do with your life. Go to Japan? Then why apply to U Albany? You did say that it wasn't finished yet, though, so I look forward to reading the completed essay.
I was thinking on incorporating that I wanted to be a translator in a company in Japan, as well as teach English there for a couple years in the last sentence. I thought that might be a good way to finish it off.
Edit:
I was thinking of using this as my finishing paragraph.
It was a hunger I tried to satisfy, causing me to buy many books on the subject. I had a few, but none had captured my attention more than The Tale of Genji. Sometimes called the first novel of the world, it captivated me. I was hooked on the language of Japan and its literature. It was then, that I had decided what I wished to do with my life. Instead of just reading about it, I would like to experience it. I was feeling lost, until I discovered the East Asia Studies Program at University at Albany. Most programs only focus on the language, but this program focused on what means the most to me; the language, literature, history, culture, and the experience of life in Japan.
However, the thought of it kept me running home every day after school, and if I had ever been denied to it I would cry, scream, and thrash my arms about. I was a child, I did not know any better.
At first, people just laughed. Surely, they had thought, in time I'd just forget about it and find something more enjoyable. To me, nothing was more enjoyable. My fingers traced the pages of comic books, reading their every words , eyes fixated on every artistic curve of their pen.
It was in my sophomore year that I had an idea. Surely, there were many others that had the same obsession that I did, I was sure of it.
It wasn't until after I had graduated that I had noticed the impact it had on me.
I grew out of the comic books and animated TV shows, but I indulged myself every now and then, and grew into wanting to know more about the language and culture.
Great essay, and the end you just submitted here wraps it up nicely!
:)
Thanks! Wow, I hadn't noticed those mistakes. Thanks again!
