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UAV-Unmanned Aerial Vehicles; My project @ UNION


moon05 13 / 133 20  
Jan 3, 2013   #1
Given the opportunities to conduct research at Union, what would you choose as a project? (1000 Characters)

I have already reached 1,095 characters. So, definitely need shortening. Any feedback is highly appreciated.

Robots have been always a huge curiosity of mine. Though I haven't made one yet, I do have had a lot of reading on them from the internet. In midst of various categories of robots what struck me and always have been amusing are UAV-Unmanned Aerial Vehicles. At first what used to amaze me were the shape and the design of the UAVs. But then as I steadily learned about their use in different fields, how the propellers work, how the wings are useful I began seeing a plane from a wholly different perspective. As a project at college I would enthusiastically be engrossed in one involving UAV. I have been planning a rhombus shaped design, the benefit of which will be the UAV could just stop in mid air and go backwards, left or right without turning. With these capabilities a UAV will be real successful in military use. It won't have to take a long turn while it might get shoot down and loose important data and objects and most importantly the UAV itself will be safe. As far as I have searched I haven't found any design like this yet. So, this would be really an exciting project indeed.

alicederp 10 / 56 4  
Jan 3, 2013   #2
Hi there,

"Though I haven't made one yet, I do have had a lot of reading on them from the internet."

"In midst of various categories of robots what struck me and always have has been amusinghow is it amusing?? are UAV-Unmanned Aerial Vehicles."

"But then as I steadily learned about their use in different fields, how the propellers work, andhow the wings are useful, I began seeing a plane from a whollywhole different perspective."

"As a project at college I would enthusiastically be engrossed in one involving UAV. " <-- Enthusiastic, engrossed very redundant.

"With these capabilities a UAV will be realtoo colloquial successful in military use."

"So, this would be really an exciting project indeed." <-- too boring

Hope I helped!
OP moon05 13 / 133 20  
Jan 3, 2013   #3
Yeah thanks! your feedback will really help me! I don't wanna sound boring to them.

Oh and about amusing you should read some stuff about UAVs. I think I have misplaced the word!
lornam 3 / 16 3  
Jan 3, 2013   #4
Robots have been always a huge curiosity of mine

You could instead say something like "Robots have always interested me."

I do have had a lot of reading on them from the internet

"I have read a lot about them from the internet"

In midst of various categories

In the midst

In midst of various categories of robots what struck me and always have been amusing are UAV-Unmanned Aerial Vehicles.

"UAV - Unmanned Aerial Vehicles - have always struck me as amusing."

You tend to write in a passive voice. By using an active voice throughout your essay, you'll be able to both cut down on words and keep your reader interested. So instead of having an action occur to the subject, the subject acts.

But then as I steadily learned about their use in different fields

I hope I was able to help!
OP moon05 13 / 133 20  
Jan 3, 2013   #5
Hey lornam! yeah you helped a lot.
Though it's still 1059 characters. I have to narrow it down way more to a thousand characters.
Help guys...

Robots have always interested me. Though I haven't made one yet, I have read a lot about them from the internet. In the midst of various categories of robots what struck me and always has been thrilling are UAV - Unmanned Aerial Vehicles. At first what used to amaze me were the shape and the design of the UAVs. But as I steadily learned about their use in different fields, how the propellers work and how the wings are useful I began seeing a plane from a wholly different perspective. As a project at college I would like be immersed in one involving UAV. I have been planning a rhombus shaped design, the benefit of which will be the UAV could just stop in mid air and go backwards, left or right without turning. With these capabilities a UAV will be successful in military use. It won't have to take a long turn while it might get shoot down and loose important data, objects and most importantly the UAV itself will get destroyed. As far as I have searched I haven't found any design like this yet. So, this would be really an exciting project indeed.
lornam 3 / 16 3  
Jan 3, 2013   #6
At first what used to amaze me were the shape and the design of the UAVs.

how the propellers work and how the wings are useful, I began

I began seeing a planeto see planes from a whollywhole different perspective

As a project at college I would like be immersed in one involving UAV.

This sentence is kind of awkward.

I have been planning a rhombus shaped design

Also kind of awkward and unnecessarily wordy.

I have been planning a rhombus shaped design, the benefit of which will be the UAV could just stop in mid air and go backwards, left or right without turning.

which would allow the UAV to just stop in mid-air

With these capabilities, a UAV will be successful

It won't have to take a long turn while it might get shootshot down and loose important data,or objects and most importantly the UVA will get destroyed

This sentence is also kind of awkward, especially the second half.

As far as I have searched I haven't found any design like this yet.

"As far as I have searched" and "yet" are kind of redundant - you could cut down on this sentence.

You could cut down on basically all of the sentences I found awkward. I really like the first half of your essay, but the second half doesn't flow quite as well starting from "as a project in college"
OP moon05 13 / 133 20  
Jan 4, 2013   #7
This is the second half of the essay. It now counts 1,008 characters so need to shorten it a little bit more. Please guys help, deadline is getting near day by day...

After seeing UAVs like the Blackbird I wanted to design a cool one myself and ended up thinking of a rhombus shaped design, which would allow the UAV to stop in mid air and go towards any direction without turning. With these capabilities, a UAV will be successful in military use as then it will have very less chance of getting destroyed by enemies which could occur while taking long turns. As far as I have searched I haven't found any design like this. Choosing this as a research project would be exciting for me.
OP moon05 13 / 133 20  
Jan 5, 2013   #8
Guys really sorry this is my last version.. Reached 1,082 characters.. Please help.. Deadline is getting near!!!

Robots have always interested me. Though I haven't made one yet, I have read a lot about them from the internet. In the midst of various categories of robots what have always amazed me are UAV - Unmanned Aerial Vehicles. At first what used to amaze me were only the shape and the design of UAVs. But as I steadily learned about their use in different fields, how they work, how the wings and propellers are useful, I began seeing a flight from a whole new perspective. I have been dreaming of a rhombus based design, which would allow the UAV to just stop in mid air and go towards any direction without actually turning. The idea was to initialize thrusters such that it may be used all the directions, while still producing the least of drag and aerodynamically sound. With these capabilities, a UAV will be successful in military use as then it will have very less chance of getting destroyed by enemies which could occur while taking long turns. As far as I have searched I haven't found any design like this. So, it would really be an exciting and revolutionary project indeed.

The portion of the sentence colored blue shows that it needs correction in Word.
dpmg945 - / 19 3  
Jan 5, 2013   #9
I've always been intrigued by robots, and though I have never built one myself, I have vastly read about them through the internet. Among the existing robots' categories, those which have caught my attention are UAV - Unmanned Aerial Vehicles. At first what appealed to me the most about them were their shape and design, but as I got to learn more about their given usage and their parts' functioning,my perspective on flights changed. I have been dreaming of a rhombus based design, which would allow for the UAV to stop in mid air and go towards any direction without actually turning. This consists on intializing thrusters so that they may move through all directions, while still producing the least of an aerodynamically sound and drag. With such traits, a UAV could be given a military use as its' chances of being destroyed by enemies during long turns would be diminished. From what I have researched, I have not encountered any UAV design as the one I have described, and knowing that I could be part of such a revolutionary project fills me with excitement.

Moon this is kinda a checked version you still can make it sound more like you, and apparently I cant answer you message because I haven't made comments in at least 15 college confidential posts so once I do that I'll reply your message.
OP moon05 13 / 133 20  
Jan 5, 2013   #10
Man CC is like that I never knew!
By the way thanks for the help...
you have any other account anywhere?
dpmg945 - / 19 3  
Jan 5, 2013   #11
I'm just missing like 5 more posts which is really nothing I'll reply to you later on in the day
OP moon05 13 / 133 20  
Jan 5, 2013   #12
See ya then!
by the way I am gonna finally submit my Union supplement..
Oh yeah what a feeling it is!
dpmg945 - / 19 3  
Jan 5, 2013   #13
good luck with that and I replied to your message not sure if you received it I'm not used to how cc's messages work
lilyraquel52 5 / 25 2  
Jan 5, 2013   #14
I would write a more interesting and captivating first sentence to get your readers attention. This essay seems to be about robots, not about who you are. It does answer the prompt, but colleges really want to know who you are! :)


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