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UBC application essay--- What is important to you? And why? To respect one another's views.

karmalea 2 / 1 1  
Jan 13, 2020   #1
Some constructive criticism would be much appreciated!

What is important to you? And why?

(maximum 250 words)

As I have grown and been exposed more to the world around me, I have noticed how hostile people are with one another. I attended a classical christian school, and in my 4 years there I was exposed to their ideas and worldviews. I learnt how the majority of the christian world regarded different people of society, from the LGBTQ+ to political leaders to blatant criminals. I have heard them use the stereotype "Angry Atheist", sincerely believing that to be the truth. I have also seen members of the #metoo and feminist movement put themselves on a pedestal and feign victim hood to get their way. I have seen racism and crimes shamlessly brushed away and sometimes encouraged. There are several problems currently facing humanity from climate change to the many thousands of people living in poverty and under dictatorial regimes.

There are many people around the globe working tirelessly to solve these problems but I think that we will never fully achieve those goals until we come to respect one another. We may not share the same beliefs or worldviews but as long as ideas such as racism,sexism, etc. are still prevalent in society, we will never fully solve these problems. Personally, I believe it is important to respect and love the peers around you. While me may disagree with one another, we ought to still respect one another's views. And, rather than try to push our 'enemy' down we should strive to find the truth together.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,107 3258  
Jan 13, 2020   #2
The theme of the response should be found in the first paragraph. Since respecting the point of view of others is important to you, then you must indicate that either as the topic sentence (first sentence) of the essay or, as the thesis statement (last sentence) of the first paragraph. You can reverse your paragraph presentation if you want and then revise the content presentation to better suit the new format or, and I believe this would be easier, write a new essay that clearly states the theme of your response right from the start. The reviewer will not waste time reading the whole essay just to find your actual response. It should be presented as :

Thesis + Explanation = Response

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