tell us about who you are
I am naturally an extremely goal-driven person. I am most proud of my grit and discipline when faced with a challenge. My addiction to progress and persistent discipline has led me to strive for great things. This can be seen in my fitness journey where I achieved my goal in establishing a healthy relationship with my mind and body, or in school where I achieved a prestigious academic profile. My experiences fostered the development of my character; when working at my first job, Poko Popcorn, I overcame the fear of talking to strangers, and when joining the gym for the first time I conquered my apprehension for judgement. These developed both my confidence and self-contentment. This confidence is a main element of my outgoing personality that teachers and acquaintances would describe me as. Having been raised by a single mother of two who was busy with her profession as a flight attendant, I grew to become independent and mature at an early age. This maturity has led me to inquire about the world around me and is a core component of the pursuit of my passions; including teaching myself personal finance, where I collaborated with my mom as we opened an account together and invested in numerous stocks/funds, and learning to play the guitar and piano from tutorials on YouTube. These characteristics allow me to step out of my comfort zone and achieve success in all aspects of my life.
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you only read the first sentence of the full prompt. The full prompt asks you to "Tell us about who you are. How would your family, friends, and/or members of your community describe you? If possible, please include something about yourself that you are most proud of and why." As you can see, based from the full prompt requirement, you talked about who you are from your perspective, not the perspectives of the people you interact with daily. You responded to only 2 aspects of the full prompt. You talked about yourself and the things you are most proud of. Both are incorrect approaches to this essay.
Within the word requirement, you need to provide:
- your image as described by your parents
- how your friends see you as a person, friend, and confidante
- your civic mindedness as observed by members of any community organization you are a member of.
- Just one notable achievement that you feel best describes who you are as a person and how you deal with adversities in life leading up to your success.
3 of these descriptions need to be written from the third person point of view. Only the achievement can refer to yourself in first person. I am afraid you will need to write a totally new essay that properly addresses the points of view as required. If possible interview these people based on the prompt before writing your new essay.