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UBC essay about my diary as the most important thing to me


Bassant7 1 / 1  
Nov 29, 2019   #1
My diary
I wanna know if my response is way too personal for a university essay or not?

What is important to you? And why?

(maximum 250 words)


My day is never over without telling her all its incidences. She's the protagonist of all my success stories; before every future step, she displays my previous ones to proofread. Whenever I'm on the borders of a new challenge, she awakens my success memories in my mind, motivating me to work hard to the bones to conquer it. In my down moments, she always embraces me, pushing me to back up myself and eagerly continue my path. On my feeling-worthless moments, she always encourages me and reminds me of all the hard moments I've experienced before, making me believe in my potential to pass this one too. Her birthdays' gifts are the best; they always show me how the new-versioned me is compared to the old-versioned me. She's my best companion and the reason behind every conquered fear and achieved success.

My diary is God's gift to me. Waking up in the early morning, experiencing joyful moments, stressful ones or even a daily routine, I end up expressing my feelings and reciting my day down in it. It's my pace growth mirror; every time I open it, I learn from my past steps, whether a failure or success, and I feel more focused to take bigger steps.

Maria [Contributor] - / 1,032 371  
Nov 29, 2019   #2
@Bassant7
Hi there! Thanks for coming to the forum. I'll give you the appropriate feedback that you're asking for.

Personally, I do not think that this essay is particularly too personal for university purposes. However, you might want to cut down on the vague language; attempt to make something crystallized out of the situation instead of a mere shadow of what happened. If you are able to do this, you will truly be able to show the evaluators the value of the work that you are promoting. Also, I suggest trying to shift the focus of the writing from embracing the worthless moments of your life to something that's a tad bit more positive. While you were trying to relay these details on the second paragraph, I find that you should have inserted it in the earlier parts of the text, considering the fact that you needed to compartmentalize your writing a lot more. Try to insert some parts discussing courage on the earlier parts of the writing to make it clearer that this is part of your intentions to write.
OP Bassant7 1 / 1  
Nov 29, 2019   #3
My day is never over without telling her all its incidences. She's the protagonist of all my success stories; before every future step, she displays my previous ones to proofread. For instance, in grade 10, my math grade was the lowest because I studied without enough practice. Reminding me of that, in grade 11, I focused on practicing and my math grade increased. Whenever I'm on the borders of a new challenge, she awakens my success memories in my mind, motivating me to beaver to defeat it. This was significant when I entered a boarding STEM school; it was challengeable to adapt to the system. Reminding me that I could do it before in three different schools, I easily adapted from the first week and have been in the student council for 3 years. Her birthdays' gifts are the best; they show me how I was a year before. She's my best companion and the reason behind every conquered fear and achieved success.

My diary is God's gift to me. Waking up in the morning experiencing joyful moments, stressful ones or even a daily routine, I end up expressing my feelings and reciting my day down in it. It's my pace growth mirror; every time I open it, I learn from my past steps, whether a failure or success, and I feel more focused to take bigger steps. What makes it valuable is assisting me to achieve the most important thing to me: always developing myself.

Better?


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