UBC - what my family, friends, and community think of me? A person who they know they can count on.

I thought that starting off with a story might be good, but now I'm a little worried that it's a little too focused on what I think of myself, rather than what others think of me. It also ends a little abruptly, but I'm not really sure how to end it well :/ any tips are really appreciated!!!!!!

TELL US ABOUT WHO YOU ARE.

HOW WOULD YOUR FAMILY, FRIENDS, AND/OR MEMBERS OF YOUR COMMUNITY DESCRIBE YOU?
IF POSSIBLE, PLEASE INCLUDE SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE MOST PROUD OF AND WHY.

My family's favourite story about me is from when I was three years old. My older sister had just started kindergarten, and would often bring home books that she would practice reading. They think that I either thought it was very impressive, or I was a little bit jealous of the attention she was getting from it. Either way, I've been told that I would sit beside our bookcase for hours, dozens of books laid out in front of me, trying to figure out how to read. After a few weeks or very persistent learning, I started to understand it! One of my first memories is grabbing my favourite Sandra Boyton book, proudly bringing it up to my mom and reading it to her. From this point on, my family has described me as determined and independent. On top of that, they would say I'm creative, thoughtful, and patient. My family and friends all know that if they need help with anything, I'm always there to offer my help, whether that's trusting me to design the volleyball zones t-shirts, or sitting down with them to explain a math problem.

I'm most proud of the ability I have to go out of my comfort zone to positively impact myself or others. A few months ago, I was given the chance to play guitar in a local strings concert. It was a little last minute, but it was really nice to participate in an event that made such a positive impact on people's day during such a stressful time. Being asked to help out made me understand how my community sees me: a person who they know they can count on.

Thanks again!!!

You are right about the story removing the focus of your statement from the prompt requirements. Actually, the reviewer will not be impressed with any story that starts with "when I was 3 years old). The interest is more in learning about whether your parents believe you have the early adult foundation to succeed as a college student, if your friends see you as someone they can rely on when they need help, if the community sees you as an emerging leader or a go-to person for activities others would shy away from, and if you are proud that all of these seperate points of view have merged to create a stand out personality or achievement for yourself. While the activity you chose to represent your achievement is impressive, how it collates all 3 aspects of your developing character is not really evident. If your focus is "on the person they can count on", then all 3 points of view need to show that emerging or now evident personality. It has to be the stand out aspect of the overall presentation.