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UBC Essay, What is important to you? - Self-improvement is one of the most important aspects


nayroug 1 / 1  
Jan 12, 2022   #1

WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU? WHY?



Self-improvement is one of the most important aspects in my life. I first began to develop a sense for self-improvement as my mother pushed me to try a variety of sports as a child. With each new sport came a desire to become the best I could be, and as I grew older, that desire drove me to continuously try new things. Slowly along my journey of self-improvement, I began to pursue activities that would focus on my weaknesses, a big one being my academics. Throughout elementary and middle school I had been obsessive over being good at sports, which left me with no care for academics. Thus, I switched my focus from self-improvement in athletics to academia. I began to participate in academic enrichment programs and contests, but most importantly I dedicated more effort to class. Since the beginning of high school, my grades have been in an upwards trend each year, and I have achieved a healthy balance between academia and athletics. After doing so, I took upon roles such as assistant badminton coach and executive member in nonprofits and clubs. This was to develop my involvement in the community, which I previously lacked. To me, this is proof that I am able to achieve self-improvement in any area of weakness to a degree that is directly proportional to the amount of effort I put in. At UBC, I would continue to develop both my strengths and weaknesses, and ultimately translate them into achieving academic success and community involvement.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,308 3991  
Jan 13, 2022   #2
With each new sport came a desire to become the best I could be

Why? How does this relate to the importance of self-improvement? This sounds like you were only trying to please your mother.

I had been obsessive over being good at sports, which left me with no care for academics.

This indicates an obsessive personality on your part. That could be seen as a negative by the reviewer. Why not skip this line and instead, focus on explaining how sports taught you how to value academics as well and give an indicator of you consider your interest in the two as balanced.

Self improvement is not just about accomplishment. It is also about becoming a better person. The essay focuses too much on the importance of accomplishments, with little reference to the lessons you learned with regards to self-improvement. For example, why did you feel a need to improve your community relationship? How is this relevant to self improvement?
OP nayroug 1 / 1  
Jan 13, 2022   #3
@Holt

Thank you for your help!


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