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UBC Personal Profile - who you are. "I care deeply"



plantpreyer 1 / -  
Nov 25, 2024   #1
Tell us about who you are. How would your family, friends, and/or members of your community describe you? If possible, please include something about yourself that you are most proud of and why. (maximum 1500 characters)

My family and friends would describe me as someone who cares - I care deeply about my education, about my relationships and I especially enjoy learning new things and improving myself as a person. Because of this, I tend to be critical of myself and my shortcomings. In fact, I worry that my teachers find me bothersome - I am often the student that most often comes up and asks the teacher for advice or feedback in class.
Many of my friends think of me most as energetic and thoughtful - someone that is always able to remain positive and calm after setbacks and mistakes and find a way to be friendly and enthusiastic. A previous teacher of mine commented that I was the student that was "most likely to brighten his day".
In my 11th grade, we were given a year-long open inquiry project. I decided to make something with two areas I was interested in at the time - I wanted to see if I could demonstrate the effects of psychological priming by recording player actions in a video game that I made. Despite having no experience in either of these fields, I worked for hours every day learning how a game engine worked and researching past priming studies so I could replicate the same results. Looking back, I am very grateful to have had this opportunity because this project showed me what it was like to start from nothing and have to make something out of it, having to work under stress and anxiety, as well as being able to present the hours of research and coding I've done to my peers.

The essay is a couple of characters under the limit (1496 or so) because I've cut it down significantly. I fear I might not be getting the whole picture across. Any advice on going into a bit more detail while not breaking the character limit would be appreciated, or just general advice would be great.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15415  
Nov 26, 2024   #2
For the first part of this response essay, you should avoid using the first person pronoun in the discussion. That is because you should be presenting the information from a detached point of view. That means, you do not discuss your opinion of other people about you. Instead, you focus on the what and why they view you in a certain manner. This is not about what you think about their opinion of you, but an open presentation of how other people view you beyond how you see yourself as a member of the family, friends, and community. Those are actually very little developed in this presentation. It should be more insightful so that you can discuss what you are most proud of about yourself, based upon the combined opinions of these people.


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