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UBC Personal Profile - Who are you? Described as exuberant, interesting, authentic and adventurous


salmalik64 1 / 1  
Nov 8, 2018   #1

Tell us about who you are.


How would your family, friends, and/or members of your community describe you? If possible, please include something about yourself that you are most proud of and why. (maximum 250 words)


Hey guys, any and all criticism on my essay is greatly appreciated.

Salman's friends would say he is someone who is very exuberant, interesting, authentic, adventurous and is always down to try out new things. He could also be quite spontaneous at times and has an effervescent personality. While he is a realist in most scenarios, he could be pretty optimistic at times. His close friends know there is another side of him; one that is a bit less wild, more thoughtful and is really attuned to the needs of those around him. They would also vouch for his honesty, trustworthiness and how he is always appreciative and encouraging of them.

I believe that my parents and my siblings are my biggest fans. My parents constantly remind me of how proud they are of me and that I never give them an opportunity to get mad at me by always showing my utmost respect to them, doing my part around the house and fulfilling my responsibilities.

I'm most proud of my unrelenting perseverance and tolerance when it comes to difficult situations which I've developed through the years by learning to welcome challenges and getting comfortable with uncertainty which is the only thing that is certain. If I have my mind set on achieving something, I wouldn't just travel the extra mile, I'll do whatever it takes to get it. It has been this unwavering attitude to problems that has gotten me to where I am now and I believe will continue to be my greatest asset in future challenges.

Holt [Contributor] - / 7,179 1785  
Nov 8, 2018   #2
Muhammed, the first and last paragraph of the essay properly represents a third person point of view regarding your characteristics. However, the second point of view, the one from your parents and siblings, should have also been presented from the third person point of view instead of a personal point of view. What you believe and what these people actually think should be two different things. Therefore the statement must sound like it is coming from them, not from you. The prompt does indicate that you should be discussing how other people view you as a person and that line of instructions automatically prevents you from using the first person point of view. This descriptive essay is strong in presentation for the most part. Just adjust the second paragraph presentation and it will be ready for use.
OP salmalik64 1 / 1  
Nov 9, 2018   #3
Salman's friends would say he is someone who is very exuberant, interesting, authentic, adventurous and is always down to try out new things. He could also be quite spontaneous at times and has an effervescent personality. While he is a realist in most scenarios, he could be pretty optimistic at times. His close friends know there is another side of him; one that is a bit less wild, more thoughtful and is really attuned to the needs of those around him. They would also vouch for his honesty, trustworthiness and how he is always appreciative and encouraging of them.

His parents would describe him as self-motivated, obedient and respectful and are proud of his accomplishments. Meanwhile his siblings a vital member of their squad who is full of surprises with a witty comment always on-hand. They also consider him to be a very supportive brother who is always there to lend an empathetic ear.

I'm most proud of my unrelenting perseverance and tolerance when it comes to difficult situations which I've developed through the years by learning to welcome challenges and getting comfortable with uncertainty which is the only thing that is certain. If I have my mind set on achieving something, I wouldn't just travel the extra mile, I'll do whatever it takes to get it. It has been this unwavering attitude to problems that has gotten me to where I am now and I believe will continue to be my greatest asset in future challenges.

I made some more amendments to it here. You can ignore the essay in the previous post.


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