Hi, my name is Lucy and I am applying to UBC. I would love some feedback on my response to the first question.
Tell us about who you are.
How would your friends, family, and members in your community describe you? Include something about yourself that you are most proud of.
my response :
Adventure is a word that is commonly associated with daring ideas such as backpacking across Nepal or rock climbing up massive boulders. As a result, I don't blame my peers for not considering me an "adventurous" individual. Most people in my life would describe me as a reserved person who prefers to keep to herself and is often very quiet. Regardless of how others perceive me, I would say that adventure is a huge part of my personality. My adventurous nature is what allows me to learn so many different things while not putting myself in a specific box. I play senior level basketball, sing in the chamber choir, edit videos for the student council, and take a variety of interesting high school courses like theatre arts and computer science. Outside of school, I challenge myself to be constantly trying new things. Using the internet I've taught myself how to play the guitar, edit engaging videos, and code. I'm always looking for new experiences and being in quarantine for so long during the pandemic has taught me that I can be adventurous even if I don't leave my house. Though there were many challenging times during my high school years, I am most proud that those difficulties did not break my creative and adventurous spirit. Even when I was stuck inside, I was able to push myself by setting new goals. I began to see changes in my life as an opportunity for adventure rather than a barrier.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 12,267 3977
There are 3 sectors you should be discussing in the statement. This is not a selective option topic. The reviewer needs you to focus on all 3 personality types because the response will give him an idea of your personal character in various settings. So you cannot focus on just your friends and one aspect of your personality. Your adventurous side was a nice touch but irrelevant response. You have not developed the essay in terms of reflecting on one aspect of your personality that will convince the reviewer of a personality trait that would make you an asset to the diverse student community. This is a hodge podge of answers that respond to the prompt, but did not fully account for all the discussion demands. It needs to properly focus and based on character reflection demands.