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UBC PERSONAL PROFILE: a real-life Wonder Woman who couldn't sit still whenever it came to unfairness

jennieyo 1 / 3  
Nov 13, 2019   #1
Hello! I'm a student from Vietnam who is desperate to get into UBC to continue my study there. Please give me some feedback on my essay. Thank you!

Full Topic:

Tell us about who you are.

How would your family, friends, and/or members of your community describe you? If possible, please include something about yourself that you are most proud of and why. (maximum 250 words)

Growing up witnessing countless inequitable situations not only on TV but also in life, I've gradually become accustomed to the state of always getting myself in troubles only to help people out, just like what my peers often described: "a real-life Wonder Woman who couldn't sit still whenever it came to unfairness".

I once prevented a transfer student, who was constantly harassed due to her visual appearance, from sinking into depression by handing a video that I had secretly filmed when the seniors were abusing the poor girl to the principal. As a result, they were all expelled from school despite their parents' ceaseless wailing.

Another time, I dared to expose the principal's daughter on the internet who was praised as an angel but in fact a bully, always using her dad's power and money to get away with the consequences. Her targets varied from a newcomer to someone who was about to graduate so a great deal of people have severely suffered because of her, including my close friend. Even though I didn't only lose the "excellent student" title but also attacked verbally by her gang, I was exceedingly proud of myself for being able to stand up on behalf of everyone else to offer other teachers, especially the principal insights into the true nature of his beloved daughter. I did undergo a tough time always being faced with contemptuous looks and loathsome comments from her "fans" but I still didn't regret what I had done, even until now.

mangoyabani 1 / 2 1  
Nov 14, 2019   #2
Interesting, your essay made me wanna know more . But, I advise to write more about why you did that and what you felt after doing the right thing.
OP jennieyo 1 / 3  
Nov 16, 2019   #3
Thank you so much for your advice! I really appreciate it.
agupta 2 / 5  
Nov 16, 2019   #4
I think the story was very nice and I really enjoyed it. I would say you could talk about a few more qualities you have or that your friends and family describe you as.

I am also applying to UBC and I have posted my own thread so if you could give me some feedback, I would greatly appreciate it.
OP jennieyo 1 / 3  
Nov 17, 2019   #5
Thanks for your advice and I'd surely check yours out!
student19 1 / 1  
Nov 17, 2019   #6
you should definitely add more about your specific qualities and what others would describe you more

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