UBC - tell us more about an activity - medical shadowing/internships

expressing an activity

Hello hello, I need recommendations on an essay format that can help with expressing an activity - if anyone can recommend one that would be spectacular! I still have a lot to add, but I know I have a lot of flaws in my writing. If someone can thoroughly critique and provide a greater example on how to write an essay in this format I would be incredibly thankful.

TELL US MORE ABOUT ONE OR TWO ACTIVITIES LISTED ABOVE THAT ARE MOST IMPORTANT TO YOU. PLEASE EXPLAIN THE ROLE YOU PLAYED AND WHAT YOU LEARNED IN THE PROCESS. YOU WILL BE ASKED FOR A REFERENCE WHO CAN SPEAK TO YOUR RESPONSE. (MAXIMUM 2100 CHARACTERS)

There is no doubt my experience joining the Medical Careers Exploration Program as a student exposed me to the depth of how engineering can be applied to all fields. From the beginning, I faced competition to go against all the other indigenous Grade 10s in Manitoba who applied for the 12 positions available for the program. From the minute I heard of it, I knew I had to claim a spot for myself. Amongst other students, I maintained an excellent academic record and had the highest average for the time attending the program. Though it was challenging at first - I would stress out a lot - the onsite work placements within hospitals in Winnipeg pushed me like nothing else, it made me a sharp, critical thinker and made me happier with life. The work of talking with patients helped me break my shyness and gave me a burst of confidence like nothing else. I had to demonstrate myself through essays, anatomy courses, and reviews from medical professionals. Although I had already built a strong foundation for these skills previously, they have been developed strongly leading to higher self-esteem within myself. From the rigid program, I have built the confidence to pursue any goal, even though it may seem like a challenge at first. Having this healthy combination of activities gave me the encouragement to pursue a B.A.Sc at UBC Engineering to push my boundaries and build a successful career for myself, hoping to join some of the brightest students in Canada.

Talk about your performance within the activity only. There is no need to discuss how you got into the program nor how it pushed you into your major. That part needs to be implied rather than stated. The middle part of the essay about the activity itself does not need to be changed. Rather it needs to be strengthened as per the writing instructions.

Consider using 2 activities in the discussion I would suggest opposing activities so as to present a well developed field of interest and participation. Do not forget to mention the names of your mentors, supervisors, or anyone who can verify your story. It is a requirement of the presentation.