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UBC personal essay:Tell us about who you are. How would your family, friends...


mangoyabani 1 / 2 1  
Nov 14, 2019   #1

from a daredevil into a driving force



Question: Tell us about who you are. How would your family, friends, and/or members of your community describe you? If possible, please include something about yourself that you are most proud of and why. (maximum 250 words)

Answer:

My friends and family both agree that I am a smart, helpful, and responsible person with a well organized, fit lifestyle. However, where my friends consider me merely a positive and daring person who takes risks, my parents would call me a daredevil.

My parents told me that when I was a kid I used to drink boiling hot tea and jump between furniture and do other dangerous activities. Since I was that brave my dad decided to take me to work with him occasionally and let me dismantle electronic devices, which nurtured my thinking skills. My mom noticed that I have changed and she told me that I turned the characteristics of a daredevil into a driving force behind my actions.

My friends explained to me how they do not see me being daring is a bad thing because a lot of people waste opportunities resisting change. And taking risks does the opposite, which is creating opportunities like when I chose to get a job in the summer instead of studying yet ended up studying at breaks. One of my friends' parents did not allow him to study abroad, but he decided to try getting a full scholarship to a Japanese university. Later he told me that I was the inspiration.

I am truly proud of that trait of mine. However, what I am most proud of is my little sisters' progress in coding since I am the one who introduced her and helped her in learning the concepts.

ppham2020 1 / 4 1  
Nov 15, 2019   #2
Overall, I feel that your essay hits all the points in terms of how others would describe you, yet the essay itself lacks real, meaningful examples that are tailored to your success as a leader and future student at UBC. I suggest you use a different example to show how your "daredevil" mindset has given you academic and personal success, instead of the summer job example. Spend some time reflecting on what you've learned from being a "daredevil," and not necesarrily what you've done.
agupta 2 / 5  
Nov 16, 2019   #3
@mangoyabani
I think your essay is well structured for the most part, but the only suggestion I would make is to elaborate more on the last sentence. I think it would be better if you talked more about how you came to introduce coding to your sister so the reader would understand why you are so proud about it.
OP mangoyabani 1 / 2 1  
Nov 16, 2019   #4
@agupta @ppham2020
I am very grateful for your replies


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