Hi! This is my application essay for UBC. Is it too personal? Any advice or feedback?
UBC Essay; Unfamiliar Situation
Explain how you responded to a problem and/or an unfamiliar situation. What did you do, what was the outcome, and what did you learn from the experience?
I think Grade 7th in Junior High was the worst phase of my life. I was a new kid in the school, only had 1 friend whom I had known since elementary school but eventually left me for her new friends. Moreover, a classmate slandered me of cheating the physics test eventhough I didn't even pass the test. As a result, it became a buzz in the class and I was outcasted. The hardest challenge is when the teacher assigned a group work because I knew that I didn't have anyone to partner with. To put it simply, I was bullied because of she had woven a tissue of lies about me that day. I always felt like crying everytime I had to go to school and the gladdest when it's time to go home. Over time, I started encouraging myself to step outside my comfort zone and make friends. I got a small circle at last but one thing that I have realized is that my bully started to lose her friends. People around her became aware that she was a negative influence because she badmouthed others a lot, even her own best friend who had accompany her since day one. Therefore, I have learned that words hold so much power. "Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of other." - Napoleon Hill
Thank you in advance!
Holt Educational Consultant - / 12,308 3991
The essay should have a singular topic for its focus. At this point, you are merely narrating all of your negative experiences in school but you have not properly developed the discussion to show a lesson learned. No, using a movie quote to show the lesson you learned does not qualify as an actual learning in this essay. Pick one reference point, fully develop that presentation with a properly written narrative. Tell your story and at the end, close it with the learning moment that came out of the situation. Otherwise, you are not doing anything but merely complaining about the bad time you had for one year in high school. Which does not really respond to the prompt requirements.