UCF Admissions Essay - Which topic does my essay suit best?

1: If there has been some obstacle or bump in the road," in your academic or personal life, explain the circumstances?

2: How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are?

3: What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that would allow you to contribute to the UCF community?

Please tell me which topic my essay suits best? Any suggestions for a better conclusive phrase? Please state your opinions on how I can make the essay better. Thank you.

At an early age, I learned to express myself in a way that was unique to me. At the age of seven, I won a poetry contest. It was about how if I could be any animal I would want to be a bird so that I would be able to soar high through the sky with no limitations on where I went. Words were always an outlet for me.

My grandfather always encouraged me to write. He was also very talented in that area. We spent a lot of time together. He was a great father-figure to me. I lived with my biological father, but he was always busy working. I hold nothing against him though. He had to provide for our family and I respect him for that. Though my grandfather never saw me, due to the fact that he lost his sight the year before I was born, he always told me that I was beautiful. One day I asked him, "How do you know I'm beautiful if you can't see me?" And his response was "well for one you're a part of my family", and then we laughed. I adored his sense of humor. Perhaps, that's where I got mine from. But, then he explained to me that beauty shines from within.

As I got older I was able to understand that phrase better. I learned to give people a chance to show me their qualities instead of judging them on appearance. I also worked hard to better myself as a person. I made sure that I excelled at what I did. I did well in school and I was always a competitive person. I won many spellings bees. I also entered an invention contest and won an award for my idea. From elementary to high school my grades soared high like the bird in my poem.

During the holiday season of 2004, my junior year of high school, I was in the holiday spirit. But, cheery spirit soon became cheerless. My grandfather suffered from a stroke. About a week later my grandmother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It became hard for me to focus in school. To my devastation, my grandfather passed on February 21st 2005. Three weeks later on March 11th, 2005, my grandmother also passed. Everything in life that once mattered to me seemed to fade. It has been a struggle for me to accept the fact that they are gone. But, I have accepted the fact that I have to continue to live my life and make every second count.

It depends on where you are going with this. If you are going to focus on the jolt and recovery, then #1. If you are going to say more about your grandparents themselves and their influence on you, then #2.

Could it equally go for both?

At an early age, I learned to express myself in a way that was unique to me. At the age of seven, I won a poetry contest. I wouldn't start consecutive sentences with a similar phrase.ItAs written "it" is the poetry contest not your poem.was about how if I could be any animal I would want to be a bird so that I would be able to soar high through the sky with no limitations on where I went.Sounds conversational. Words were always an outlet for me.

My grandfather always encouraged me to write. He was also very talented in that area. We spent a lot of time together. He was a great father-figure to me. I lived with my biological father, but he was always busy working. I hold nothing against him though. He had to provide for our family and I respect him for that.Though my grandfather never saw me, due to the fact that he lost his sight the year before I was born, he always told me that I was beautiful. One day I asked him, "How do you know I'm beautiful if you can't see me?" And his response was "well for one you're a part of my family", and then we laughed. I adored his sense of humor. Perhaps, that's where I got mine from. But, then he explained to me that beauty shines from within.I think that your grandfathers loss of sight should be explained earlier. It sounds like you are putting stuff out there as you go. You don't have to change it though.


Which phrase? The one about beauty shining from within or his joke? It seems like your poem and your love for words doesn't really tie in with the rest of your essay.

You should end on a brighter note. Talk about how you got past your loss. Maybe you can use your poem as a metaphor for your revival. However, if you want this essay to fit the second essay prompt you should just eliminate your grandparents death all together unless their death has shaped your characteristics.

As written your essay would fit the second essay prompt better since you do not tell the reader how you got over your grandparents deaths.

First I want to say thank you Llamapoop. Your feedback was very useful.
I revised the essay. Tell me what you think.

Can it now suit 1 and 2 as a combined essay?

I decided to title it, "I Am a Bird"

I added a few more words to the ending.

Since I was young, I learned to express myself in the way that was best for me. When I was seven, I won a poetry contest. My poem was about how if I could be any animal I would want to be a bird so that I would be able to soar high through the sky with no limitations on where I went. At the time I had no idea how much that poem would relate to my life. But I knew that words were an outlet for me. They were a way for me to form a connection with myself and others, whether they were spoken or written.

My grandfather always encouraged me to write. He was also very talented in that area. We spent a lot of time together. He was a great father-figure to me. I lived with my biological father, but he was always busy working. Though my grandfather never saw me, due to the fact that he lost his sight the year before I was born, he always told me that I was beautiful. One day I asked him, "How do you know I'm beautiful if you can't see me?" And his response was "well for one, you're a part of my family", and then we laughed. I adored his sense of humor. Perhaps, that's where I got mine from. He then explained to me that beauty shines from within.

As I got older I learned to give people a chance to show their qualities instead of judging them on appearance. This allowed me to take the time to understand people better. I also worked hard to better myself as an individual. I made sure that I excelled at what I did. I did well in school and I was always a competitive person. I won many spellings bees. I also entered an invention contest and won an award for my idea. From elementary to high school my grades soared high like the bird in my poem.

In December 2004, during my junior year of high school, I was in the holiday spirit. But, my cheery spirit soon became cheerless. My grandfather suffered from a stroke. About a week later my grandmother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It became hard for me to focus in school. To my devastation, my grandfather passed on February 21st 2005. Three weeks later on March 11th, 2005, my grandmother also passed. It seemed that everything that meant something to me, including school, was frozen in time. It was a struggle for me to accept the fact that they were gone. But, I had to realize that my grandparents would want me to take advantage of the fact that I still have my life. I had to continue living and make every second count. I graduated from high school, went on to pursue an Associate Degree and I am not stopping there. As a bird is not bound to one branch forever, I will not be bound to the obstacles that life may bring. I will soar high in life with no limitations on where I can go.