Please Feel free to Alter.
The day Christmas arrived, in 1997, I was about 7 years old with the characteristics of your common young boy. Live, curious, and full of energetic spunk. That day, I sprang up out of bed and ran towards the massive vibrant colorful tree to claim my gifts. There, I tore apart a gift wrapped present that, I must say, implanted my ambition to pursue my most sought out profession. A basic beginners Chemist lab set. With that gift, today, I continue to remain with the same eagerness to complete my life long goal of becoming a biochemist.
Being that my major is chemistry, my options are limitless when it comes to my selections of colleges. After looking at multiple schools in Florida, I've decided to apply at University of Central Florida because I believe that UCF has much to offer, as I trust that UCF will provide me with the greatest education there is to be obtained. With the accurate tools to succeed and explore the world of chemistry, I know that UCF will guide me in the precise route towards a better understanding and learning in the field of biomedical researching in creating new drugs to aid human bore dieses as biochemist. Academically, UCF offers the best quality classes towards the chemistry major in which I feel will expand my opportunities in my future. Therefore, my selection is extremely narrowed as I believe UCF is my primary college to be a part of, as it will be admirable to become a scholar at UCF
The essay suffers from a problem that is fairly common in application essays dealing with this sort of prompt -- it could be easily used for any university, simply by substituting a different name for UCF. Do some research on UCF, and find out the names of specific courses, programs, and professors that make it appeal to you, so that you can praise UCF specifically, rather than in terms so general as to be meaningless.
Also:
I was about 7 years old with the characteristics of your common young boy.
About? You don't know whether you were 6, 7, or 8 on December 25th, 1997?
Right, you say that ECF has "much to offer." If you really did look at a lot of different schools, then why -- exactly -- did you choose ECF?
I like the idea of starting with the Christmas story, but you move too quickly from that to the present day. Have you done anything in the intervening years that expresses your love of and excitement for biochemistry?
