UCF "How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are"

Please give me any suggestions you think will make the essay better.

Thanks!

The smell of curry chicken, seasoned rice, and spiced vegetables flows through the air. I hear the rhythmic banging of hands against the Indian drums known as Tablas. This was the scene of an Indian wedding I recently attended that allowed me to see the convivial and unique culture that I have the privilege of being a part of. Tradition has been an enormous factor in my family for all of my life. Having two parents native-born citizens of another nation, I have great appreciation for the privileges I enjoy to be an American born citizen and along with the opportunities I have to be a part of multiple cultures. My father immigrated from India in 1985, and soon after was followed by my mother. For five years, my parents, who came to America with less than $120, worked until they were able to save enough money to start a small convenient store in the land of opportunity. The story of my parents migration from the poor villages of India, to the middle class American Dream reminds me that hard work and dedication will, in the end, lead to success. My family history provides me with the motivation I need, to accomplish something great in my life. As I move forward to obtain a college education with the foundation set out for me by my family, I keep in mind that I too will have to persevere for life's greatest achievements.

if you have more characters left to fill the essay then please describe in more depth about how your family has influnced you... you took more then half to describe the hardships but only couple of lines to say how it affected you. It should be the other way around, you should summarize hardships by your parents and use rest of the space to say how it has affected your life...

Dont worry I have to same problem. Sitting here on the other side it is easy to give advise. By the way I have pretty much similar background. In fact I moved from India over the summer and I am senior at a high school near chicago...

Please feel free to criticize my essay you can find it by click on my name above and then clicking on the family background thread...

This essay gives many different ideas, one after the other. I think you should establish a min theme and concentrate on it:
I am sure to succeed because I am so inspired by my family -- especially my mother and father.

Don't talk about the food. Don't even talk about tradition. Stick to this main theme about how you are motivated by inspiration for which your mom and dad must be thanked. They struggled, and now you are going to work hard to honor his effort.. :-)

i like the form of it, it catches my attention
however i think you should draw back on the description of food and things and give more details about how their success will affect yours