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UCF how my family influences my environment my personality and nature


sarah11 1 / -  
Oct 18, 2010   #1
2. How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are?

My Family plays an enormous role in the ways of influencing my environment my personality and nature by only providing me with minimal confidence to succeed in a challenging environment. I grew up in an environment where many people around me didn't care what their life would look like years from now, including my parents. Growing up in that type of negative environment has challenged me to make the change in my family history to succeed and attend an outstanding University. It has also influenced who I am to this day. Without all of the negative energy I wouldn't have the will power to get things done in a mannered way. I have seen how lack of education could affect someone's life and the others around that person; it's not a choice for me not to succeed. Education is key to a fulfilled life; and how my family influenced me in that way is just watching them not succeed.
eriswens 1 / 3  
Oct 18, 2010   #2
The sentence, "My Family plays an enormous role in the ways of influencing my environment my personality and nature by only providing me with minimal confidence to succeed in a challenging environment." seems to be contradictory.

Instead, maybe say, "Throughout my life, my family has interacted with me in such a way that I am not destined for success. I disagree, as I have grown older I have realized that I can succeed, and the only person in charge of making that a reality is me."
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Oct 23, 2010   #3
This sentence does not make sense:
My Family plays an enormous role in the ways of influencing my environment my personality and nature by only providing me with minimal confidence to succeed in a challenging environment .

I grew up in an environment where many people around me didn't care what their life would look like years from now, including my parents.---- oh, now this sentence would be a great first sentence to the essay, because it is so interesting... a bit negative, though.

it's not a choice for me not to succee d.---- This part does not make sense.

It seems distasteful to expound your strengths by using contrast against your parents, whom you portray as losers. Someone reading this essay has no reason to believe that your judgment is clearer than theirs; for all we know you could be a rebellious, unappreciative teen. Chances are, your parents are indeed the losers you make them out to be, because we losers who do not have "success" account for a large portion of the population these days, but... can you revise this essay to express a little about what you want to do professionally and what environmental influences drew your attention to that professional field?
Desilean 6 / 12  
Oct 23, 2010   #4
Education is key to a fulfilled life; and how my family influenced me in that way is just watching them not succeed.

Should reword this sentence.

ex: Watching my parents throw their lives away---another way to say they did not succeed ---influenced me to strive for my education, which is the key to my fulfilled life.


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