I've been getting a lot of help on this essay and they always say " you're almost there" I need solid help so I can finally get there.
If there has been an obstacle or "bump in the road" in your personal or academic life, please explain the circumstances.
I heard two muffled crashes and a plea for help. I ran to the bedroom door and swung it open to see ebony legs dangling about a foot high. As my mother gasped for breath, she managed to whisper, "Call 9-1-1" The sight of gorilla hands around my mother's slender neck is a sight that will stay with me indefinitely. This was where it all changed with my father; and just like that, he was out of my life.
When my father was led away among red and blue flashing lights, I was devastated. My past revealed memories of when my father would sit me down to tell me that my mother was an ungrateful woman who wasted all of his money and that he was the one who really loved me. I shook my thoughts and looked over at my mother. This woman was who I would be living alone with now.
My mother was left to make ends meet. She had to pay the bills, working day and night in between several jobs offered at the nursing agency. There were numerous nights my sister and I were left unaccompanied in the house. After my sister finished high school, just about every night, she was nowhere to be seen. I would come home to an abandoned dwelling. Having no motivation to eat or study, I slept the hurt away. Any homework I had could wait until the next day. My mind was not on school.
As months passed, I began to see my mother for the first time. She would come home carrying heavy bags of groceries and exclaim, "Look! I bought your favorite bag of chips!" I accepted them hesitantly. When she finally had a night off and I wasn't busy, she would call me over to cook dinner with her just so we could talk. Sometimes she would ask me how I felt about my dad now that he was gone. There was a time when my voice began to quiver, I sniffled uncontrollably and tears fogged the room. She pulled me toward her and I felt safe. Her selfless actions showed that she loved me way more than I ever knew.
My father brought hate and unconstructive behavior upon our family while my mother fought wars for my sister and I. She ran through thickets of my father's violent bedlam to pave a way for me to fight through abuse. I'm part of a new cycle that takes hold of my own destiny. My mother, though hurt and scarred, was the one who pulled me through these terrible truths and the hardships they brought. My mother continually smothers me with love and still strives for me to have a normal life. It took me years to realize how much she really loved me.
Your story gave me chills, and you write very well. There are some things I would add to make your story a little clearer, though.
I think you could explain more how your father's abuse was an obstacle for you, and how you learned to adapt to life without him, and what you've learned from your mother that you will take with you to college and beyond.
Thank you for these modifications and suggestions! I will definitely use all of these!
For "As months passed, I began to see my mother for the first time."
my mother didn't begin to stay home more. In fact she stayed home less and less. I will try to clear that up! Thanks!!
