UCF (the mosquito) obstacle and (somewhat-close to home) why did you apply

I rewrote my other essay and again would appreciate anyone that helps me! Is the first one cheesy? Or does it make sense? Anything will help me. Thank you.

If there has been some obstacle or "bump in the road," in your academic or personal life, please explain the circumstances. It should different. But it doesn't. Grief hovers around me like an annoying mosquito and just like a mosquito I can bat it away and continue with life just content to ignore it...only this mosquito is much bigger to bat away.

The day hadn't been bad-if anything it was one of the better days of the whole month...or it was until I came home. My mother was just shaking her head back and forth like an unsteady pendulum, denial already long set in her about her father's death. I could relate. We hadn't thought he go so quickly. Now the grief and uncertainty of everything caused my stomach to feel as if it was right in the back of my throat.

I didn't cry though when I first was told or even long after that. I wasn't a big crier; it took a lot to me break down. Or well until my grandpa's funeral, when my mom was tucking him one final time with a warm coffee-colored blanket that she knitted herself though I knew it was not for this purpose and that caused my heart to clench even more painfully.

I broke. I don't know why. The site of my mom placing the blanket so tenderly was like flipping a switch in my brain, with a bright red neon sign flashing "HE'S NOT COMING BACK."

I could no longer ignore the mosquito, and now I had been bitten.
 
Why did you choose to apply to UCF? Where will I go? How far will it be? Is the academic I want to major in good? These questions (and more) plagued my mind and haunted me when deciding where I should apply.

I want a place where I still can be-somewhat-close to home, but still experiencing the "real world" on my own. I don't want a college sorely focused on sports or a party college or the majority of people are separated into cliques like high school with all of its petty drama.

Basically, I want a great school that will have school spirit but will not take up the entire agenda. I want a school that has diversity and embraces differences.

All in all, I wish to go to UCF.
UCF seems to be a good place to go where there can be socialization but also focused on academics as well.
Don't get me wrong I love school spirit, but that's not why I'm going to college. I'm going to college to learn and get a degree from a respected and prestigious college. I want to go places in my life.

And UCF will offer me that.

It should different, but it isn't .

Grief hovers around me like an annoying mosquito and just like a mosquito I can bat it away and continue with life just content to ignore it...only this mosquito is much too big to bat away.

We hadn't thought he would go so quickly.

I wasn't a big crier; it took a lot for me break down.

Or well into my grandpa's funeral, when my mom was tucking him one final time with a warm coffee-colored blanket that she had knitted herself, though I knew ...

The sight of my mom placing the blanket over him so tenderly was like flipping a switch in my brain, with a bright red neon sign flashing "HE'S NOT COMING BACK."

This essay is beautifully written, not at all cheesy! :)
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Why did I choose to apply to UCF?

I don't want a college solely focused on sports or a party college, or one where the majority of people are separated into cliques like high school with all of its petty drama.

UCF seems to be a good place to go where there can be socialization but also focused on academics as well.

:)

Thank you so much! I wasn't sure if the mosquito angology would work or even make sense in my first essay, so thanks for telling me that it does! :)

I think that the first one is pretty well written but you might want to write a little bit about how it affected you.
The one on why you applied to UCF looks good though...good luck