okay so,
can anyone go ever the grammar and punctuation(commas and semi/full colons for me please.
also the contractions since I tend to use -'s awkwardly at times.
also suggest, whether I need to add another personal example or is it sufficient?
Describe how Mom & Dad are not just an ATM.
Lets assume that a group of newborns were left in each others company with sustenance provided, but no adult supervision available. As they grow up, their antics would surely reveal how a lack of guidance has shaped their personality. I'm sure most of them would still be crawling by the time they enter school, Moreover, an extra grade before pre-school would be required just to teach them an earthly language. Thus, without a parent-- a guide-- a toddler would not be able to learn the basics of its species.
The first three years of a child's life are spent entirely at home where the parents guarantee an optimal environment for their growth. Parents ensure nourishment, health and also educate their children. They therefore are a child's first teachers whose teachings range from potty-training to basic mannerism and beyond. More importantly, parents try their best to become role models for their children as young one's pickup most from observing and following. As James Baldwin aptly states, ""Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them." Therefore, all of a person's early development is credited to the tireless efforts of their parents.
As one grows up, they enter a more complicated era of their life: the teenage. Teenage life, with all its worldly attractions and mood swings, is like a tightrope walkover a ravine with one's parents being the balancing tool. You lose it and you'll tumble into the wilderness that the world provides. Parents, at this juncture of one's life, play an important role in preventing their children from going astray by keeping check on their activities and more importantly instilling a conscience in them.However, if they restrict themselves to being an ATM, their children are more likely to indulge in smoking, drinking, use of drugs and teenage pregnancies: things that can only hinder their progress in life. Soon, the teenagers grow up and leave home and become independent. Even then, at any stage of their life, solace is sought only in the embrace of their parents.
Personally, my parents have been more than an ATM for me and have impacted my life in numerous positive ways. In my childhood, I had an introvert personality and shied away from the prospect of being on the podium or even asking questions in class. It was my parents' constant support and encouragement which allowed me to overcome my fears and become expressive. I remember: once my teacher, despite my severe protest, forced me to participate in an exclamation contest. After a lot of reluctance, tears and persuasion I managed to take the stage that day. However, as expected: I stuttered and forgot nearly half of my debate. Embarrassed and dejected, I was at the point of breakdown and would have if not for my father. He stood up applauding me alone. Soon the entire crowd joined in: to my delight, I left the stage beaming instead of crying. That day made proved motivation enough for me to become the one hand in class which was always in the air, when a question was asked.
In today's society, we have replacements for our parents. A daycare for a toddler, guidance counselors for teenagers and advisers for adults. But we fail to realize that no caretaker or counselor would care as much for someone else's children, as much as their own parents. Would someone polish your car daily if you pay them for its maintenance? They certainly would not. The care involved when self-interests are involved is much greater than that due to monetary advantages. However, tragically the foundation of parenthood is being slowly eroded in our society. Parents, with their experience hold a certain wisdom and knowledge. But now we have the internet and many other sources to acquire knowledge and feel that what we learn from them is more worthy than a parent's teachings. Our elders are thought to hold out-dated views and subsequently, wisdom is becoming less and less valued. However, we fail to realize that evolution of morality only takes place when we learn from our elders-- both, the good and the bad-- and carry only the good forward.
Thus, our parents are, but not just, an ATM. By the order of nature, it is their obligation to provide for their offspring and that they do. However, we must realize that an ATM also runs out at one time. When that happens, If one's parents were more than just a cash machine: groomed and educated them, they would be able to stand on their own feet. However, if they were merely a cash point, one would be left on the streets: shelter less and unable to provide for their own needs.
thanks a lot!
hey this is a quite a solid essay!
just slight edits:
2nd para: " young one's" => young ones
last para: If one's parents were more than just a cash machine: groomed and educated them, they their children would be able to stand on their own feet. However, if they were merely a cash point, one would be left on the streets: shelter less and unable to provide for their own needs. (the they is ambiguous in the sentence)
last para: Thus our parents are, but not just, an ATM.
I think you don't need another personal example. Just one is sufficient to get your point across.
thanks a lot krista!
more suggestions please?!
especially Louisa, if you're free. Help would be really really appreciated =D
anyone? i really need help..
Ahmad, owing to the essay prompt, I would have discussed the essay differently. I would have offered an opinion as to how our consumerist world, in wanting to appeal to children in an effort to get the money of their parents, have distorted the relationship that young children have with their parents. That the consumerist world of toys, gadgets, and child to adolescent fashion have all converged upon children to make them believe that their parents exist for only one purpose, to spend on their whims, caprices, and anything that will make them happy. As such, children grow up thinking that their parents are nothing more than ATM machines that dispense money to them whether they deserve it or not. All on the basis of "parents want to see their children happy and if it means spending on them, then so be it."
It is after I present this case that I would then present evidence based on personal experience about how wrong this consumerist mindset is. Leaning on the fact that parents are meant to be our guides in life, teaching us the value of money and a good work ethic, thus preparing us for our roles in the adult world where, they will no longer exist to support me financially nor answer for my whims and caprices. Thus bringing my argument about consumerism feeding the idea that parents are just ATM machines and how they are nothing of the sort.
thats a great suggestion and would have made more sense.
In any case, I'll try working on that If I get time.
However,considering that the prompt is self-made and can be changed, if I dont find time to rewrite this essay. How can the prompt be modified to fit the current essay?!
The first thought that came to my mind was to suggest a prompt that goes; "Parents are viewed in two highly different opinions these days. They are either seen as an ATM machine or a life guide by their children. Discuss both opinions and present your point of view." I based the prompt upon what I believed was going on within the essay that you wrote. You can use that prompt as is if you want, or base your new prompt on a variation of it. I hope I was able to help :-)
thank you sooo much!! like really!!
That's perfect!! :'D :'D
just one last thing please, I'm sorry for bothering but pretty tensed.
does the essay require another personal example,or am I good to go?!
Now, now, don't let the stress of college application get to you. That won't accomplish anything. Just breath deeply and try to let go of the stress. It isn't going to help you write better essays :-) You will be good to go with only one personal example. After all, the most effective essays are those based upon personal experience. Take the hint from the way the common apps are created. You are asked to only cite one personal experience that you expand upon. There is no need to go wild with examples just because you are the one who created the essay prompt :-) I hope you can post the revised essay here when you are done so we can go over it one more time with you. Just to be sure that everything will be in order for your submission :-)
thanks a lot!!!
God Bless you! :'D
