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UCHICAGO How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire


kabal 9 / 61  
Dec 22, 2012   #1
I belong to the group of people who believe that human learning is a posteriori. After all, I haven't really experienced University of Chicago, but the knowledge I have is based on the experiences of others and this is the kind of experience is what I can relate to.

I spent one year of my high school was spent in the northern part of Nigeria. In the first few weeks of class, the books assigned for reading had little to no science and more religious content, which was quite interesting for a few weeks but became a drug for sleeping in class. We were not allowed to buy any science books, especially biology, I think because of the conflict about the creation man. As usually, I had to make my voice heard. Before the beginning of class, I would write on the board "We need more books"

I tried to convince my teacher, who graduated from a school outside the region, to talk to the principal about allowing some science textbooks. My teacher understood, but his good intention was driven by the money he would make from getting the books from a known supplier, which I taught was really wrong, but didn't know how to react, maybe I was selfish. With my teacher's help, we started a paradigm shift that would take a long time for a significant change to occur because the school was literally owned by a rich Muslim cleric. Unfortunately, I was frustrated out of the school because my ideas were in conflict with what the school wanted.

This experience shaped my idea of what my dream school should be like, a place where different cultures and ideas are not only embraced but how these cultures can shape me and I it. A place where an idea would pierce the heart of everyone in class, due to its small size, rather than fade in the crowd; I believe University of Chicago is that place. Having decided to study Economics, University of Chicago is a place where I finally can have a chance to pose questions like why an increase in a country's GDP does not translate to economic development for all classes or how the improvement in education and economic policy can curb the threat of terrorism around the world. These questions wouldn't be answered by debating alone, but by having a state of the art research facility, which University of Chicago provides for students.

My future goal is to contribute, in one way or another, to the development of new theories that reduce poverty and inequality. To achieve this goal, University of Chicago would be a great help to foster an environment where students of all religion and race can challenge my different ideas and have supporting or opposing theories about economic problems .A school with so much Nobel laureate winner is a place where fear is absence and curiosity is abundant is a place where I can truly be prepared to have an impact in the society.

University of Chicago is a place whose great professors have tackled complex question and provided solution to social problems. One question I, myself, encountered during the presidential debate was if we were better off now to four years ago. Of course, both candidates, as usual, gave answers supporting their campaign, but none gave a convincing answer. However, what I do know is that I would be better off in University of Chicago.
fishes 1 / 10 1  
Dec 22, 2012   #2
"After all, I haven't really experienced University of Chicago, but the knowledge I have is based on the experiences of others and this is the kind of experience is what I can relate to."

Don't say that you haven't really experienced U Chicago, because the whole point of this essay is to demonstrate your interest in the school and readiness to attend.

"I spent one year of my high school was spent in the northern part of Nigeria. "
there's a typo.

"but became a drug for sleeping in class."
instead of admitting that you wanted to sleep in class you could talk about how you yearned for something more.

"I think because "
"I think" is unnecessary.

"As usually , I had to make my voice heard"
"As usual." What do you mean by that? Did you have similar experiences with this before? Elaborate or just take this out.

"the school was literally owned by a rich Muslim cleric"
"literally" is unnecessary.

"but how these cultures can shape me and I it."
typo here.

"Having decided to study Economics, University of Chicago is a place where I finally can have a chance to pose questions "
grammar error. You have decided to study economics, not uchicago.

", but by having a state of the art research facility, which University of Chicago provides for students."
another grammar error. there's no subject.

"A school with so many Nobel laureate winner is a place where fear is absent and curiosity is abundant is a placewhereand I can truly be prepared to have an impact in the society."

and then you talk about the presidential elections, but you don't really relate it to the topic.
Overall I think it's great you compared UChicago to your old school in Nigeria and how that influenced you. But if you need to cut down the word count (which I think you do), you should cut out some of the sentences about your teacher's morality and focus more on how you tried to change your circumstances. There are a lot of little grammar errors, so you should definitely edit it more.

Sorry if this was a lot or if it seemed harsh, but I hope this helps. I'm applying to UChicago too. Good luck!
OP kabal 9 / 61  
Dec 22, 2012   #3
loved your critique. No one is perfect. I don't know if its a good essay or a good idea to write on a experience i rather want to remember.
OP kabal 9 / 61  
Dec 30, 2012   #4
HARVARDACCEPT , CAN YOU CRITIQUE MT ESSAYS. LOVE KNOW YOUR OPINION
HarvardAccept - / 57 24  
Dec 30, 2012   #5
haha. How did you know I was going to look at this?

First off, this essay is WAY too long. 538 words? That's an extended essay not a short response.

My EA essay was a whooping 200 words.

Your second paragraph has to be condense. Give UChicago the GENERAL idea of what it should be like. Don't write a story, hit the critical points. Don't do A, B, C, D but do A, made me realize D.

Plus UChicago knows how good its programs are. Mainly, Why Chicago? is about why YOU fit for Chicago not why Chicago fits you. Get the point? For example, I wrote about how I wanted a school to provide me with the ability to expand the capabilities of my mind and to be surrounded with those that are both similar to and unique from me.

Also, have you realized that everyone has mentioned Nobel laureates? This is because Nobel prizes etc... are the most mentioned topic in Why *insert university* essays.

"Your school has a lot of great people. It's great. I love it." Cool? Why not try something like: "At UChicago, the vastness of my mind will blossom into an endless stream of ideas."

Mention how UChicago contains the resources to put you among the greats at UChicago.

Just some thoughts.

Take em or leave em.

:)
OP kabal 9 / 61  
Dec 30, 2012   #6
Harvardaccept THANKS. I did know it was as straight forward as that.find the resource UC has that can benefit without being mention by anyone would be hard. thanks everyone
proximaankit 3 / 6 1  
Jan 3, 2013   #7
Very Interesting. I was hooked literally.

I dunno if this correction applies
" If there was one thing i learned from all this t is that silence is not the only form of speech. "


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