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UCSC Prompts 'The game of baseball has been the one continued thread in my life'


t0r0sebud1 2 / 5 1  
Nov 18, 2012   #1
I am limited to 1000 words. I had the first essay written already and was stumped when I learned I needed another. My English teacher liked the first one but felt that I needed to show more about my personality. I have tried to do that. Essay #2 is short because I don't have many characters left. Please tell me what you think.

Essay Prompt #1

https://essayforum.com/undergraduate-essays-2/college-essay-uc -schools-parental-health-problems-43600/#msg175480

Essay Prompt #2
The game of baseball has been the one continued thread in my life. I started playing at age five when both of my parents were healthy enough to support me. As years went by, I continued to hone my skills, developing into a promising left-handed pitcher. However, my parents, with their limitations, often could not be there to cheer me on. My mom was now a single working mother who was just scraping by and my dad was often too ill. Yet, I persevered at this endeavor, even without my parents on the sidelines. By the time I was thirteen, I rarely saw the familiar faces of my mom or dad in the crowd cheering for our team. Yet, I was always lifted by the voices of my teammates and the fans, and that kept me going. I stuck with it and I am glad that I did because I have had experiences I never would have had, from pitching a "no hitter" in a championship game to playing varsity baseball in high school. Baseball has shaped my personality in that I have gained confidence and have developed leadership skills. Along the way, I have also made lasting friendships and have learned the value of teamwork and commitment. Whether or not I play baseball in college, the lessons I have learned and pride I have in my accomplishments will continue throughout my life.
uscuscusc 9 / 27 2  
Nov 18, 2012   #2
Unless you are applying only to UC Santa Cruz, do not state: would make me an outstanding undergraduate at UC Santa Cruz.

also, consider revising annd spot out when you didnt use parallelism

prompt 2 is okay, but you don't need to discuss your family problems in prompt 2, since it was discussed in prompt 1.

prompt 1 is amazing though!


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