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UC prompt #2 My Ugly Hands


hershey1 1 / 1  
Nov 24, 2009   #1
Please this is very rough
especially the ending might not make sense
please help! Thanx in advance!

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

I am afflicted with rather stubby, short hands. My index finger barely reaches two inches, and my pudgy hands oftentimes draw people's attention and would be referred to as "sausages." Yes, my hands are not very attractive. Even my piano instructor had crushed my dream of becoming a pianist by constantly commenting on my short fingers that make one octave seem a mile long. However, while some might view them as flaws, my hands are by far the most cherished personal "qualities" I possess, and my grandmother had played a major role in opening up my eyes to see what they are worth despite their appearance.

I glance at my ever-so tiny hands, and every time, they remind me of my grandmother. From the day I was born until about I was six years old, she was my caretaker because my parents were away to another country to seek for better life to provide for the family. My mother used to mention how my hands resembled my grandmother's, and I despised the fact she would even say such thing. I hated how my hands were stubby and short just like my grandmother's. In result, I was always resentful towards her even though she had raised me in place of my mother. Why couldn't I be born with those skinny and long hands, just like other girls? I always blamed my grandmother for my ugly hands.

Despite the ugly appearance, my grandmother's hands were magical. From making baskets to pottery, I was often dumbfounded by her exceptional skills. Ironic enough, I was also gifted at creating art, and my grandmother would always say, "You hands are just like mine. I know that your hands will do great things and I know you will become a great artist someday." However, I was just an ignorant kid that disregarded my talent that my grandmother truly had faith in. Instead, my focus started to revolved around money. Once I got to college, I simply wanted to earn a living and blindly hoped to become a lawyer. In all honesty, it was far the worst choice I have ever made in my life. My grades went downfall although I worked diligently and very hard. On top of my rather shameful first year of college, another struck me. My grandmother was diagnosed with a disease called Spinocerebellar Degeneration, which is a disease that causes her to lose control over her body but retains her mentality. When I heard the news, an immense pressure seeped into each part of my body, and the sky that always seemed impenetrable fell into pieces. A rush of guilt ran through me. I then realized I was truly heading down the wrong path in life and grasped that money isn't everything. From that day on, I began to appreciate things I already possess, and I decided to use the skills I was given. I am deeply saddened by my grandmother's unfortunate state, but I want to thank her for blessing me with the "hands" and making me value life.
natsuken 2 / 7  
Nov 24, 2009   #2
mmm,

Not bad but not great i would say.

I could see where your essay was heading for but after reading the essay, all i remembered was your stubby hands.

Your writing skills are definitely above average but i have to say that this essay was a little bit awkward for me.

I would say that you need improve on transitioning from your hands to your grandma and then back to you hands again.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 26, 2009   #3
My index finger barely reaches two inches, and my pudgy hands would oftentimes draw people's attention and would be referred to as "sausages." Seriously. My hands...

I grew up in Korea under the care of my grandmother during my childhood , because my parents were away to another country in attempting to seek for better life to provide for the family.

Well done!! But where does the last paragraph begin? It seems like you might not have done a paragraph break to show when the conclusion starts.
OP hershey1 1 / 1  
Nov 27, 2009   #4
Hey thanx for the comment! I revised it a bit and was wondering if you take a look at it again. many thanx!


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