UIC application personal essay -"Meaning of My Life"

Hi, I wrote an opening for the essay, it's about my interest in graphic design as my major. please commend my essay.

Question:

Please provide an essay that explains why you chose your intended program of study.

What interests you the most about this major? Please be specific - those evaluating these essays are highly interested in your response. If Undecided, what areas of study do you look forward to studying in college? (50-500 words)

Here's the opening:
The start of a complicated relationship between me and art began at the age of three. A small kid who piggybacks the floor and draws her future in colorful colors on a large sketchbook. The thread has continued so far. I always have been convinced of my future from the beginning, dreaming that I will influence people by doing things related to art.

I like painting and was full of creativity, but fine arts could not express it all. Rather, as I grow up, I realize that required higher skills and abstract pictures that were difficult to understand only added doubts about my skills and dreams. It was in the third grade of middle school that I first know about graphic design. At that time, I had various hobbies by drawing pictures with a computer's paint or making various videos with a video editor on my phone, and my mother's friend, who notice my talents and my concerns about my dream, told me for the first time, "What about a graphic designer if you're interested in both computers and arts?" As soon as I knew the job of graphic designer, I looked for out of doubt, I felt that it was the answer I had been looking for, and for me, who had always painted with pencils or crayons, it felt like starting a new adventure. Since then, I have been researching graphic design for a long time, and the more I know, the more I have no choice but to fall in love with the charm of it.

Here is the thing, reviewers find it hard to believe any truthful interest in a specific form of study or activity exists prior to the age of 12 or 13, when the exposure is more serious and could actually prove a particular study interest of career path. Would it be possible for you to simply not mention an age in the introduction? That way you avoid creating disbelief in the reviewer. Frame it as "early on" and nothing more.


It would be better to say "as I worked on developing my interests, talent, and skills". It sounds more formal rather than the phrase you are currently using.

Actually, it will be difficult to assess this introduction as it relates to the rest of the essay because it is an unfinished draft. So my review cannot go beyond this point. It is good as far as I can tell, but will need adjustments later on for sure, once the draft is completed due to the necessary connections between paragraphs, thoughts, and ideas being presented. Maybe I can review the complete draft in the future?